Tag: uncategorized

 

Today at the Register I am, of course, talking about nudists at church.

As to the very fair question of whether or not my husband is now missing an eye — well, the best I can recall, the conversation went something like this:

Me and my husband:  We have lots of good reasons to postpone the next pregnancy.

[Repeat every month for two years.]

Me and my husband in March:  Welllllll . . . how about in May, we think about trying for #9?

God:  DID SOMEONE SAY BABY?

So I now have a due date of December 9, and everybody’s happy.  The kids constantly ask for updates — “Is Shrimpy still the size of a blueberry?  Or is he as big as a kidney bean now?  Can he hear me?  HEY SHRIMPY, CAN YOU HEAR ME?”  etc.  So, happy days.  Thanks for all the good wishes!  You guys are the best.

Speaking of Dostoevsky, I just heard that my dear literature professor, Dr. Mary Mumbach, the former dean and co-founder of Thomas More College, and now dean and co-founder of The Erasmus Institute of Liberal Arts, has just been awarded the2011 Russell Kirk Paideia Prize for Lifetime Contribution To Classical Education.

I am absolutely delighted to see Dr. Mumbach being recognized.  This is a woman who eat, drinks, and breathes literature, and who has poured her entire life into passing her love on to hundreds and hundreds of college students.  Last time I read The Brothers Karamazov, it was in her Russian Novel class . . . let’s see, about fifteen years ago, almost to the day, I think!  And here I am picking up the book for the third or fourth time.  How I would love to be able to sit in the cafeteria with a cup of coffee and have a chat with Dr. Mumbach.

Hey parents, if your kids are approaching college age, do yourself a favor and check out The Erasmus Institute, where Dr. Mumbach is Dean and professor.  It is a small, rustic, intense place, joyfully Catholic and utterly dedicated to the love of learning.  And there’s a Rome semester!  And look at this curriculum! And if you act fast, your child could have the delightful experience not only of soaking up the best of Western Civilization, but of soaking it up in a chair next to such celebrities as my own brother, my niece, and my nephew.

Seriously, my three brothers and four sisters and I, my husband, and two of my husband’s siblings were all students of the folks who founded Erasmus.  This is a good place – take a look.

One more thing:  as I write,  it occurs to me that, for some reason, I never thanked my teachers for the extraordinary education I got.  I can see much more clearly now how much love, care, and energy went into each class, and I am very grateful!  Thank you, Dr. Mumbach, and Dr. Sampo, Mr. Shea, Ms. Enos, Ms. Bonifield, and Mr. Syseskey.  Life is so much richer because of those four years.

7-year-old son:  BANG!  BANG!  BANG!  I’M A ZOMBIE KILLER!

5-year-old daughter:  Well, I’m not a zombie.

7-year-old son:  Wait here, I’ll get my other gun.

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Also, my post is up at the Register:  Pro-Life Euphemisms:  What Do You Think?

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Also, last day to enter in the contest! Email your answers to simchafisher@gmail.com(sorry, I can’t seem to get WordPress to make that a live link).  I have to say, I think I figured it out from other clues around the house . . . and  NO ONE HAS GUESSED IT YET.  So go ahead and make a second guess, if you like.  If no one guesses it, I’ll just figure out some silly way of choosing a winner tomorrow.

cruel defeat for you all.

There were 116 entries, and nobody guessed it!  Are you ready?  Inside the bag was . . .

mix for making homemade vanilla ice cream.   How can I be sure?  After some deep cleaning, we noticed a carton which was split open, from which a stray bag might reasonably have been separated.  The box held most of the pieces of an ice cream maker, as well as other little similar bags holding ice cream-making things, like rock salt.  Also in the box were instructions (for an ICEE machine, but still).  Also a piece of wood, and a blue sweater.

So I was fairly sure that I was dealing with something edible, so I opened the bag and smelled and tasted the contents.  Yep, that’s what it was:  ice cream mix.  We actually went so far as to use the ice cream maker one time, and I remember the powdery, gritty texture of the mix and the odd, buttery smell.  I did a dramatic Geraldo-esque video of myself opening it up, but my newly teenaged daughter just couldn’t resist turning the camera on herself from time to time, and the end result was not especially intelligible.  Also “Panic In New York Detroit” (definitely panic in somewhere!) was playing in the background for some reason, and drowned out most of what I was saying.  (I was saying, “Oh, it’s ice cream mix.”)

So.  Now what?  I may have missed a few, but here are the guesses:

Iocane powder

zombifying neurotoxin powder called Tetrodoxin

instant chai

masa harina

Cocaine (5)

priming sugar for beer

Jell-o

beer bread mix

powdered milk

wheat flour

dough

instant mashed potatoes

cornstarch and water

rice flour

embossing powder for rubber stampers

cake mix (including Easy Bake) (16)

plaster of paris for hand/foot print, stepping stone, or misc. craft (19)

muffin or scone mix (4)

arrowroot (3)

potato starch

pancake mix (5)

salt

tapioca flour or tapioca (2)

cremains (2)

diaper dust

clay powder

gum arabic

reagent powder for chemistry kit

laundry detergent

drink or lemonade mix (2)

guilt

grout powder

chickpea flour

onion powder (4)

bubble gum kit mix

bulk vitamin C

pizza dough  mix

brownie mix

muffin streusel

anthrax

soy flour

Barkeeper’s Friend

flea powder

baby formula

silica powder

xanthan gum

wall paper paste

sand (from craft kit, ant farm, or Sinai Desert, or rock polishing kit) (8)

Moon Sand

magic ecumenical fairy powder

vanilla pudding (5)

ice cream smoothie

I think that last one comes the closest, don’t you?  And so . . .

I’m happy to announce that the winner of our stupid contest is Elaine Miletic!

Congratulations, Elaine!  Please email me with your shipping address, and I will get your two-year subscription to Faith and Family set up!

And to everyone else, you won’t come away empty handed.  To you, I impart this valuable piece of advice:  making homemade ice cream once every thirteen years is about right.

ITEM!  My new post is up at the Register:  “Hey, You:  God Is Here.”  We all know God is everywhere, but how do we help ourselves remember it, and feel it?  Rejected title:  “You Can’t Have Prayed, You’re Still Dry!”

ITEM!  The Faith and Family Mom’s Day Away last weekend was really wonderful.  I’m going to write about it this week, and steal other people’s pictures, because I couldn’t find my camera.  Danielle, if you’re reading this:  sorry I forgot to give you that wine.  We’ll have to toast you from here, instead.  Salut, lovely lady.  You made a lot of moms happy this weekend.

ITEM!  Don’t forget, there’s still time to enter into the “What’s in the bag?” contest.  Don’t put your answers in the comment box; email them to simchafisher@gmail.comby Thursday, April 7 to win a two-year subscription to Faith and Family Magazine!

ITEM!  Lucy gets her stitches out today!  I have never seen a kid heal so fast, and I attribute that to all of your prayers.  Thank you, my friends.

Here’s a picture of her, so you can see how well she’s doing.  She was hiding in a tent, so I said, “Lucy, come out so I can take a picture of you!”  She scrambled out, grinning and covered with magic marker (I’m hoping).  I was going to wash it off for the picture, but this is, after all, SO Lucy.  This is what she looks like less than a week after her terrible fall:

She is still processing what happened to her.  This morning, she asked me, “Mama, is a floor the same as a ceiling?”  Yes, Lucy, when you are made out of monkeys, it certainly can be.

ITEM!  Does anyone want to have an open thread about working moms and NFP?  Several people mentioned in the comments that working women often get left out of discussions regarding Catholics practices.  I don’t have anything personal to add, but I would be more than happy to host a discussion about it.  If you have discussion ideas or questions I can use to start the conversation going, please email me atsimchafisher@gmail.com and put “working moms discussion” in the subject.

#1 –  Go see my post today at the Register:  “Santo Commodius, Ora Ro Nobis.”

#2 –  Okay, this may be the stupidest contest ever, but here we go.

I had a bunch of ideas, but chose this idea among all the fabulous ones that set my mind aglow with whirling transient nodes of thought, careening through a cosmic vapor of invention.  As you may have noticed, my mind is a raging torrent, flooded with rivulets of thought, cascading into a waterfall of creative alternatives!

But I finally settled on this:

WHAT’S IN THE BAG?

I found this bag at our house.  “What’s in it?”  I wondered.  I did not know.

I asked the kids, “What’s in this bag?” but they did not know, either.

I asked my husband, and he said, ” . . . Um, that terrible miso soup?”  So there’s your only hint:  it’s definitely not miso soup.  Because I ate it all, and besides, that came in little red envelopes.

Oh, and the prize?  The prize is actually the reason I wanted to have a contest, because it’s something that I believe more people should have.  I am giving away a TWO, count ‘em, TWO year gift subscription to Faith and Family Magazine!  If you already have a subscription, you can either add this on as a subscription renewal, or give it away to someone else.  Maybe your local library, even.  And if you don’t win, you should get a subscription anyway.

I will be honest with you, when I first heard about this magazine many years ago, I thought, “Oh, yawn, another glossy ad for how to be a perfect mommy, with some token religious trappings stuck on the outside.”  But it’s not.  There is something good in every single issue:  something useful, something funny, something moving, something unexpected.  It’s accessible, but not fluffy; smart, but not snooty; upbeat, but not sappy.  Also, you can see my spring cleaning quiz in the upcoming issue, AND my “how to get your kid to sleep” article.  I think?  Or in an issue soon!

And it is beautifully put together.  Let’s face it, Catholics have something of a problem with putting out a nice product.  It’s partly because some Catholics seem to think, “Yes, but I’m delivering the TRUTH! That in itself is beautiful enough; why trivialize the message by using spell-check or making sure the photo is centered?”  Which reinforces the impression that Catholics are morons.

The other reason you see some less-than-professional Catholics products, though, is that that kind of thing costs money.  As you may know, Faith and Family went through a tumultuous time, and has recently changed ownership.  This kind of thing is hard on everyone involved, and it would be an excellent time to show your support for the magazine by buying a subscription.  It’s $19.95 for a  year’s subscription, $29.95 for two years, and $39.95 for three years — not bad!  The website, Faith and Family Live, depends on revenue from magazine subscriptions, so buying a subscription means you’re helping to keep the website afloat.

So here’s the plan:  Take a good look at the bag.  Think about what’s inside.  (Don’t pray; that’s silly.)  Just think about it.  And when you’re ready to make your guess, DON’T put it in the comments section — email me at simchafisher@gmail.com.

One week from today, I will open the bag and find out what is actually inside.  From all the correct guesses, I will randomly choose one, and will announce the winner on the blog.  If no one guesses right, I’ll pick the answer that seems closest.  I can’t give you any hints, because I don’t know what’s in it.

Okay, so again:

1.  Look at the picture.

2.  Send your guess to simchafisher@gmail.com by Thursday, April 7.

3.  The contents will be identified and the winner randomly chosen and announced on Friday, April 8.

Pass it on!

This morning,  my three-year-old daughter apparently decided that, while she was waiting for me to wake up, she’d just go into the attic and jump around for a while.  Only she accidentally jumped on the trap door in the attic floor.  So I, sleeping in the room below, woke up to see her dropping from the ceiling onto the bedroom floor.

She’s okay, but has a really bad cut on her face.  We spent a few hours in the local ER, and now she and my husband are enroute to a plastic surgeon at a different hospital, an hour and a half from here.

I am very, very grateful that it wasn’t a worse injury.  She fell at least ten feet.  The poor thing can’t eat or drink until after they stitch her up (they will have to sedate her), and I can’t imagine that they’ll get that done until 3 PM at the very soonest.  Poor little baby.  She is so beautiful, so little.  I don’t know how mothers of heart patients and others deal with this.  I keep thinking about her little body falling and hitting the floor, and I keep seeing that terrible breach in her soft little face.  Anyway, she is okay, and going to be okay.

Grateful for good hospitals, excellent state insurance, kind nurses, cars that run, a husband who will know how to keep my baby happy and distracted, and no broken bones or apparent brain injury — not even a loose tooth.

 

Double double that that

Double this

Double that

Double double this that.

Phew, now I feel better.  I’ve been listening to that chant for many a day now, and I’d just like to make it perfectly clear to the director of the school that, for every time I hear my kids start up again with the “double double this this, ” I deduct ten dollars from the hefty endowment I was thinking of maybe some day leaving to the school, where they learned the silly thing.  Think about it!  Get control of your school, lady.  This is madness.

Okay, second:  we saw a super duper movie on Sunday:  Insomnia from 2002, with Al Pacino, Robin Williams, and Hilary Swank, and directed by Christopher Nolan, who did the wonderful Batman movies.  So today at the Register, I’m talking about what a good movie it is for Lent. Old sins!  Compromise!  Doubt, confession, and redemption!  And Robin Williams finally playing a creepy murderer, like he should’ve all along; and Al Pacino actually acts, instead of just acting like Al Pacino.

image source

Come tell me what you think. I don’t believe any harumphing will be necessary, but you never know — better bring a couple along just in case.

Third:  come see my charming and talented nephew, the ebullient Baron Torres as he launches himself into the horrible world of blogging for west and wewaxation!  “The Noble Bard: Music, sports, Catholicism and a whole lot more!”

 

What, you’re too busy?  Come on, it’s Tuesday.

You know, I think I finally have that stupid chant out of my head.  Now the only thing I’m thinking of is . . .

Gimme an X, gimme an O

Gimme a three in a row.

RO-SHAM-BO!

Echh, well, there are worse ways for kids to spend their time.  They could be doing drugs.  Or blogging.