“The man who has not suffered, what can he possibly know, anyway?” says Rabbi Abraham Heschel. He may be onto something. When we look for insight and understanding, we go to someone who has been wronged, and who has come out stronger and wiser: survivors of wars, genocide, concentration camps; people who have overcome massive disabilities; people who have been abused and outcast, and who have responded with love, gentleness, generosity, and wisdom.
But what about the man who caused his own suffering? The man who has been selfish, foolish, ugly, cruel, and who has suffered because of his own willful sins? What can he possibly know, anyway?
Tag: self-knowledge
Faith, reason, depression, and help
PIC bug in jar
There’s a lot of bad information about depression, suicide, and faith swirling around the internet this week. Here are a few things I know:
No, depression and mental illness don’t necessarily take away your free will, turning you into a helpless victim who wings straight to Heaven if you commit suicide.
No, you can’t just pray away the sadness, will yourself to be joyful, or do this one weird trick that will earn you emotional stability and peace.
The truth lies, as is so often the case, lies somewhere in the middle of all these extreme bad ideas.
Many people who are severely depressed are suffering from some combination of spiritual and physical ailments.
Many people who are severely depressed are dealing with some things that are out of their control and some things that are within their control.
Many people who are severely depressed need sacrificial love and patience from friends and family, and also some kind of hard work and self-knowledge in order to make it through the dark times.
And many people who are severely depressed need both faith and reason to help them through. This is not a new idea! Here is a passage from Sirach:
9 My son, when you are sick do not be negligent,
but pray to the Lord, and he will heal you.
10 Give up your faults and direct your hands aright,
and cleanse your heart from all sin.
11 Offer a sweet-smelling sacrifice, and a memorial portion of fine flour,
and pour oil on your offering, as much as you can afford.[e]
12 And give the physician his place, for the Lord created him;
let him not leave you, for there is need of him.
13 There is a time when success lies in the hands of physicians,[f]
14 for they too will pray to the Lord
that he should grant them success in diagnosis[g]
and in healing, for the sake of preserving life.
15 He who sins before his Maker,
may he fall into the care[h] of a physician.Sirach 38:9-15
And here is a post from John Herreid, writing as a guest on my sister’s husband Bill Herreid’s newish blog,Life, Liberty and Absolute Crap:
Depressed Catholics: God Wants You to Get Help.
Please read it, and please forward it to anyone who could benefit from hearing an honest account by a faithful Catholic who suffers but has gotten help.
John’s experience of depression is different from my own. I haven’t been fascinated with death ever, that I can recall. But I have had the experience where it physically hurt to draw a breath, to move, to get out of bed. I would hear people talking about feeling better, and that was not what I wanted. I just wanted to die, so that I would not feel anything anymore. There was no experience of anything but pain, ever. I could see the world, the people who loved me, the things I used to enjoy, and it was as if I moved around behind a dome bulletproof glass. Nothing could touch me, and I couldn’t do anything but feel paralysis and suffocation. I couldn’t say anything true, feel anything genuine, express anything worthwhile. The only thing I knew was that I had to live, and I didn’t know why I deserved that.
So. If someone is telling you to see a doctor, see a doctor. Ask someone to help you make that phone call. Even if the first treatment you try, whether it’s drugs or therapy or something else, doesn’t work, try something. Name the lie that you can fix yourself by trying hard to be a better person. You need help, and God wants you to get help.
At the Register: A New (Old) Way to Apologize
The teacher started scheduling weekly “clean-ups.”
Students relished in the opportunity to admit wrongdoing, share intent to change, and restore friendships. It was a beautiful, beautiful thing. They walked out stiff and uneasy, and returned with bright smiles on their faces.
Sound familiar? Read the rest at the Register.
At the Register: A Few Tips for Making Hard Choices
BECAUSE I LOVE TO GIVE ADVICE! And my life is not a complete and utter catastrophe, so I must know something, right?
At the Register: Reading Suggestions for Lent
Calling someone “angel”
Very interesting stuff from Tammy Ruiz, who has worked in perinatal NICU and hospice centers for most of her career, and who recently and unexpectedly lost her husband. She has witnessed many crises, much grief, and many people behaving with compassion and selflessness She says it’s not only theoloically inaccurate to call someone an “angel” when they demonstrate what seems like heroic virtue, but it can provide us with an excuse to avoid even trying to do the right thing. Calling someone an “angel” implies that they have superhuman abilities — that they are a different type of being altogether — and we can’t even hope to imitate them. Instead, here is what she has seen:
When I worked for a hospice, one of the most amazing parts of the job was watching the evolution of the caregivers who often went from “I could never ever _____ even if my parent needed me to” to “this is really hard but I’m sort of doing it” finally to “it was really hard to care for my dying parent but I did it and I am proud of myself.” Properly caring for the dying takes everybody working together, not just waiting for the “angel” hospice nurse to arrive.
A great reminder, which draws out a useful distinction: It’s very common, lately, for people to urge each other to just take small steps, and to be content with trying. But this misses the mark. We take small steps because we’re weak and limited — but the small steps will make us stronger, so that we eventually can achieve more. We’re not creatures of superhuman virtue; but neither should we be content with our limitations. Read the rest here.
At the Register: The Stupids Get a Dog
And this is the expurgated version.
I couldn’t quite bring myself to crap up the Register even further with personal pictures, but I can bring myself to do it here!
Here is our first look at the puppy, who is eight weeks old, and his name is Shane (yes, as in “Shane! Shane! Come back!”):
Here he is in the back seat, wondering who the hell we are, where his mommy went, and why we didn’t think to borrow a cage or crate for a three-hour ride, especially if the car is going to make horrible jerking movements and a grinding noise and smoke is going to billow out from the hood:
and here is my husband and the puppy on the side of the road, thinking about transmissions, and life and stuff:
Here I am after our thunderstormery walk down the highway, just starting to realize the gravity of our situation:
And here is the inside of my brain when my husband told me how much transmissions cost:
and here we are having a slightly illegal public aperitif before I sent him back for some food that was not corn nuts:
and here is how things stood the very next day:
Sunny and happy, more or less. Nobody has slept in four days and our house smells like pee, but PUPPYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!
“I have been brainwashed.”
I always knew I liked Dustin Hoffman. (via Upworthy)