Other people’s blessings

I’ve had to remind myself, over and over again, that couples who really do love NFP aren’t just lying. The “Oh, how I love the monthly cycle of courtship and honeymoon!” crowd haven’t drunk any Kool-Aid. They’re not necessarily undersexed, brainwashed saps who have never encountered true suffering.

 

They’re just different from me, and if I expect them to respect my struggles, then I need to learn to respect their joy.

Read the rest at the Register. 

Desperate need for Creighton NFP instructors in Portland

So, you live in the Portland, Oregon area and want to learn about Creighton NFP.  You’ll be talking to someone about your body, your health, maybe your sex life, your marriage, even . . .  DUN dun dun . . . your mucus. Would you like to have this kind of teacher?

 

PIC mean teacher

Or maybe this kind of teacher?

Kate L. (pictured at right — and yes, I believe we were talking about NFP!) is exactly the kind of person you want to be teaching NFP — sympathetic, funny, sincere, and smart as a whip.  And to tell the truth, it’s not so much of a choice between a mean teacher and a good teacher. What they have now in that area is no teachers.

So Kate has started a Go Fund Me campaign to raise money for tuition, books, and travel expenses so she can complete the extensive training to become a certified Creighton NFP model practitioner.

Oh, and Kate is co-founder of the Real Catholic Love and Sex blog, where she is giving away a Love and Faith locket as a raffle prize, and there are five ways to enter.  Some excellent, honest writing about love and sex at this blog.

Go fund Kate! If you can throw even a few dollars her way, and maybe spare a prayer, she will be able to keep on fundraising until she reaches her goal.

Progesterone cream (prescription and OTC) improved my Creighton NFP charting of cycles and now NFP is tolerable instead of intolerable

This is my story of how progesterone cream made NFP tolerable, instead of intolerable.

The following post is purely in the interest of public service, and is not especially entertaining, amusing, or edifying (hence the Google-friendly title).  I am not offering medical advice! I am just telling my story, in hopes that it will encourage other women to talk to their doctors, too.  I wish I had done it a lot sooner, because now my cycles became intelligible, and NFP became endurable.

This post is all medical, and not for the squeamish.  I will be using the words “cervix,” “mucus,” and “period.”

Background

PIC Lasciate ongi speranze voi ch’entrate

We use the Creighton Model of NFP.  I do not seem to be able to take my (bizarrely low) temperature consistently, and I am too technophobic and mistrustful to try a monitor.   Creighton was a good choice for us because you can use it while breastfeeding.  But still, it was pretty awful for many years.  If Creighton is “an authentic language of a women’s health and fertility,” then my charts were clearly saying, “Wha?  Hasenpfeffer.  I think!  Potrzebie!  Huh?” and occasionally, “Ow.”  In other words, I never really knew what was going on, except that we did not have a lot of days available for sex.  Some months, we had a grand total of one day (and I would be deep in the throes of PMS, so, super sexy with all the crying and screaming and paranoia).  This was no good.

My Fertility Care Practitioner knew I was frustrated and kept on encouraging me to call this NFP-only doctor she knows, but I was sure it would just be a waste of time and money, because nothing will help, I’m doomed to suffer, etc.

The problem before progesterone cream

My main problem was continuous mucus.

  • I never had dry days, even when my cycles were fully established and regular after night-weaning.
  • There was just never a very strong distinction between peak-type (more fertile) and non-peak-type (less fertile) mucus, and that made charting almost useless, and a source of constant anxiety.
  • To accommodate these ambiguities, I got yellow stamps, but the “is this essentially the same?” question hit me right in one of my weakest spots:  I’m a compulsive second-guesser, especially when I’m tired, and the strain was enormous.  We had so, so, so few available days, and I was never sure that they were actually okay to use.  And saying “end of the day on alternate days when you’re — well, do you think you’re fertile?  Trust yourself!” — well, that ain’t sexy talk.

Also, I could never do the seminal fluid elimination properly, no matter what ridiculous contortions I tried or how much water we both drank; so even once we were post-peak, there was always some uncertainty about what I was seeing.

So finally I went for a check-up.  The doctor expected that I would have a cervical eversion from eight vaginal deliveries in 11 years, which can cause  chronic irritation of the cervix, causing superfluous and confusing mucus.  They can do simple treatment right in the office.  But no, it turns out my cervix is (inexplicably) fine.  So he gave me a prescription for progesterone cream, but I didn’t fill it for several months, because nothing will help, I’m doomed to suffer, etc.

 

Benefits

So I finally filled the Rx, and within a month of starting to use a dab of cream for a week or so per month, I started having cycles like in the manual.

  • The longer I used the cream, the more dry days I saw.
  • The peak-type (more fertile) mucus is more abundant, and very distinct from non-peak-type.
  • And most importantly, we now we have what seems like a luxuriously long post-peak phase.  We can even have a fight post-peak, and still have time to make up and have sex again!  It’s pretty sweet.

There are more available days pre-peak, too, but since most unexpected pregnancies seem to come from pre-peak conception, we are pretty conservative.

Seminal fluid is easy to eliminate, and even if I don’t do it, it’s very distinct from any cervical mucus.

I’ll say it again: my cycles now look like the ones in the manual.

Drawbacks

  • When I’m using the cream, my cycles shortened from a typical 29-30 days, to 26-27 days.  My practitioner says that that is unrelated to the progesterone cream, but it sure is an amazing coincidence, because I never in my life had a cycle shorter than 28 days until I started using the cream; and now I rarely have a cycle longer than 26 days.
  • My period is more “efficient,” which means it takes 5-6 days, but most of it happens over two extremely heavy flow days.  They are no more painful than usual, but much more messy; but it is kind of nice to get it over with all at once, instead of having a gradual build-up and gradual wind-down that goes on and on.
  • You can only use the progesterone cream if you are certain that you have already ovulated; otherwise, it may prevent ovulation.  So if you suspect a double or split peak, you can end up waiting and waiting for the actual peak day to come, and then it turns out you just get your period anyway (and then your next cycle might not be as spiffy, because you haven’t had the benefit of the progesterone cream from the previous cycle).  Obviously, that’s not a drawback of the progesterone cream itself, but could happen any time – – it’s just something that adds a slight layer of uncertainty, because you’re not just waiting to see what happens in the cycle, but also waiting to see if you should use the cream.

Details

I rubbed the prescription cream into my inner wrist, inner elbow (is there a name for that part?) or abdomen once a day, starting on day P+3 and continuing until the end of the cycle.  It hasn’t caused any type of rash or irritation, or dizziness or nausea.

In order to know exactly how much progesterone you’re getting, you need a prescription, and you need to get it at a compounding pharmacy.  The only local one here does not accept insurance, and the cream costs $40 for two pre-filled syringes, which last me nearly three months.

However, after several months, I decided to try an over-the-counter version of progesterone cream called Emerita Pro-Gest, and it works exactly the same for me.  It’s much cheaper and I just order it from Amazon.  I use it in the same way at the same part of the cycle, but twice a day (morning and night).

However, I am probably going to go back to the prescription kind, because I want to make sure I’m getting the right dose if/when we go for another baby.
For goodness sake . . . 

Please, please, please, do not try progesterone cream without talking to a doctor first!  Strange cycles can be caused by any number of things, some of them quite serious. Progesterone cream is a hormone, and just because it’s sold OTC doesn’t mean it’s safe or appropriate for everyone!

Many people use progesterone cream to alleviate PMS symptoms. It hasn’t helped me with that at all.  However, at least my cycles are intelligible enough that we can say, “Yep, it’s PMS” and we know I’ll be back in my right mind in 48 hours.
But you may not be doomed to suffer

If your cycle looks anything like mine did, maybe you should ask your doctor about progesterone cream.  It couldn’t hoit!  It does make some people feel terrible, and it doesn’t work for some people.  Some people are allergic to it, and some people, as I said, have serious conditions that won’t be helped by progesterone, so talk to your doctor talk to your doctor talk to your doctor.  You are much more likely to be taken seriously if you talk to a doctor who understands NFP.  One More Soul has a directory of NFP-only practices.

I wish I had emphasized this more in my book:  there are lots of kinds of NFP, and there are often things you can do to make your cycles more manageable.  So don’t be a fatalist like I was! Look into your options, and make the investment of time, effort, and money to improve things, if you possibly can.  Marriages are not meant to be sexless.  NFP is hard, but sometimes it’s harder than it needs to be.

But for goodness sake, please, seriously, talk to your doctor. 

 

Two great questions from men about NFP

I had a great interview with the witty and insightful Scott Eric Alt of Logos & Muse yesterday, and he incorporated parts of our conversation into his review, Seven Reasons to Read Simcha Fisher’s Book on NFP.  This question came up:

Why should we trust this mother of nine to make the case for NFP? That’s a fecun­dity beyond all rea­son! Either she’s not using NFP at all (oh the deceit!) or it does not really work. Nancy Pelosi infa­mously said that you call NFP-users “mama” and “dada,” and Sim­cha Fisher is exhibit A.

He’s not the first one to delicately inquire how I presume to write about NFP, when I’ve had so many kids in such a short time.  The short answer is that even exclusive breastfeeding is no match for my incredible, invincible, almost inexplicable fertility.  I’m not kidding.  You will just have to take my word for it that I do know what I’m talking about when I talk about abstinence.

The other answer is that this book is not based solely on my own experience. I was lucky enough to belong to a message board of NFP-users for many years, where men and women felt free to complain and console each other through the trials of NFP.  Not only did I learn about other people’s experiences, I learned that one’s own experience is not necessarily The Experience.

Check out the rest of the interview here.  We also talked about how God’s will works with free will; how NFP is not another kind of contraception, but another kind of life; and why I chose to write around NFP, rather than writing about NFP.

***

Next, Peter of Lightly Salted has written a really nice review in which he appreciates various points I made . . .

 … but all these things do not make the book as valuable as the main thread of her argument that runs through each chapter.

Fisher’s main point is this: sex is for grownups. So if you want fantastic sex, you need to grow up! When we are childish, petulant, selfish and lazy in our approach to sex, it will be disappointing to say the least. So the struggles with married life are a gift in that, learning to be a grownup in our most intimate relationship not only makes that relationship much more fun, frolicsome and fulfilling, it teaches us to be grownups in every other aspect of our lives. In short, marriage helps us grow in holiness.

Right on.  Then Peter asks the second question that has come up more than once: why isn’t there more in the book directed at men?  He says:

 I can hardly fault Simcha for writing from a woman’s perspective. After all, she writes as a woman who has listened carefully to men and seems to understand the basics. But  I wanted a chapter for men! A chapter from a man’s perspective might have rounded off the book as an even more excellent resource for couples than it already is. I don’t mean that she is hard on men. I think she is too soft in places. Sometimes it takes a man to tell other men to ‘man up’, and give some practical tips on how to go about it.

The book has a lot of chapters which are addressed equally to men and women, and then several which are addressed to women, encouraging them to understand, express themselves to, and encourage communication from their husbands.  This was deliberate.

The first reason I addressed women more directly is that women are more likely than men to buy and read a book about relationships, so I designed the book for women to read and then share with their husbands.  I did paint in broad strokes when describing how men and women usually think, and what most men and most women need.  (My editor made me take out a lot of tedious “of course, this may not apply to you”s and “naturally, there is a lot of variation”s.)  The goal of the book was not to tell men and women what women and men are thinking, respectively, but to encourage them to find out what their particular spouses are thinking.  In general, women are more motivated to broach that territory.

The second reason is that the book was already extremely personal, and I really didn’t want to write a chapter that would inevitably come across as “10 Things Simcha Wishes Her Husband Would Understand; Sheesh, What Do I Gotta Do, Write a Book?” or “Mistakes that Husbands Such as Damien T. Fisher, 39, of Southern NH, Make When Dealing with Their Wives.”

Okay, three reasons: my plan original plan was to sell maybe 250 copies of a self-published ebook and that would be the end of it, so I wasn’t really attempting to put together the definitive compendium of NFP-related issues.  But I fervently hope that my book will be the first of many about NFP, and I would love to hear more from and about men.

***

Thanks for the great reviews, Peter and Scott, and for the opportunity to answer those questions!  Readers, if you’re not already familiar with Logos & Muse and Lightly Salted, you’re missing out.

Are you using the right method of NFP?

If you are all done finding out which character from The Hunger Games you are, which character from Downton Abbey you are, and which character from pornoDownton Abbey you are, you might be ready for a quiz that actually helps:  Which Method of NFP Is Right for Me?

For a lot of couples, NFP is even more of a hassle than it needs to be because they’re not using the best method for them.  We happened to stumble into Creighton just because our local hospital offered classes on it; and it turned out to be a good fit for us (although it wasn’t truly tolerable until I discovered OTC progesterone cream.  I think I will write a separate post about that, because it was such a game-changer).

Anyway, try the test from IuseNFP.com and see if maybe you could find a better fit for your personality, your physical situation, and your needs.  It’s not a flawlessly precise quiz, of course, but it may point you in a better direction if you’re really struggling. Sometimes changing methods makes all the difference!

And poke around the IuseNFP site while you’re at it. Lots and lots of useful information there, all in one spot — plus cheeky graphics like this:

And of course, if you are already using NFP and are struggling, or you don’t understand why NFP-users struggle, or you know a couple who’s insterested, or you would just like a shoulder to cry on, you should buy my book, The Sinner’s Guide to NFP.

 

Mother of Nine Accidentally Launches NFP Bestseller; Needle Buried on Irony Meter

MARLBOROUGH — Popular blogger Simcha Fisher’s first book, The Sinner’s Guide to Natural Family Planning, became a bestseller overnight after Fisher accidentally published the e-book a month early.

“I freaked out when I realized it was live, but I couldn’t figure out how to take it down. The next morning it was a number one bestseller on Kindle,” Fisher said.  “Apparently there was an option to set the release date, but I sort of glossed over that part, and now here we are.  Great news, obviously, and the whole family is very happy.  But we are scrambling with the logistics, because the timing was a little . . . unexpected.  Good thing we had already picked out a name.  For the book.”

Fisher added, “Yes, yes, book about NFP, accidental launch, irony, I get it.  I get it!”

Fisher planned to launch the e-book in November, to coincide with the audio version of her book produced by Audible.com. Fisher thought she was setting up her Kindle publishing account in advance, but instead published the book. Within 24 hours it was the top selling Catholic e-book, and the top selling Catholic book in all published categories on Amazon.

“I didn’t even have time to think about it,” Fisher said. “I still had to drive the kids to a birthday party and go grocery shopping.  It really hasn’t sunk in yet that I’m beating out the Pope.  And St. Augustine.  And the Bible.  Oh gosh, when does the dump close today?  I told you boys to sort that recycling!”

Fisher, a popular writer and speaker whose work appears in the National Catholic RegisterOur Sunday VisitorCatholic Digest, and other publications, offers her frank and funny take on Catholic sex, marriage, and family planning in The Sinner’s Guide to Natural Family Planning.

“If you’ve tried natural family planning and have discovered that your life is now awful – or if you feel judged or judgey, or if you trust NFP but your doctor doesn’t, or if just you’re trying to figure out how the heck to have a sex life that is holy but still human – you’ll find comfort, encouragement, honesty, wit, and, most importantly, practical advice in my book,” Fisher said.

The Sinners Guide to Natural Family Planning is already being hailed as a turning point in how Catholics can deal with this sometimes-difficult subject.  There are 26 reviews on Amazon, with an average rating of five stars.

“I’m pretty sure that one three-star rating is a joke,” Fisher said.  “My readers are real wise asses.  But seriously, if you think that taking bread out of the mouths of my children is a joking matter, by all means, continue.”

Simcha Fisher lives in Marlborough, NH, with her husband and nine children.  She is available for interviews and can be contacted at simchafisher@gmail.com.

Her book is available now on AmazonSmashwords, and Nook. The Audible.com version will be available for pre-order very soon, and a print version is in the works.

NFP Awareness Week: Book Cover Reveal + Open Thread

I am aware of NFP.  Are you?  I’ve been aware that it’s NFP Awareness Week for some time, now, but I’m kinda tired of NFP.  I even wrote a book about it basically so I could stop thinking about it already.

I’m so darn lazy, I don’t even have the energy to put together a list of helpful links – but honestly, that’s why we have Google.   Seriously, you guys, I had a margarita last night at Theology on Tap, and then two, what do you call them, Angry Pirates.  That’s not what they’re called, but either way, the sugar and the booze is making me dumb.  I spent the whole morning assembling my daughter’s new flower pressing kit, and then I realized we could just go ahead and use a big dictionary.  And it turns out I’m supposed to make supper today, or whatever.

So I thought I’d just ask you guys:  any questions, for me or for other readers?  OH, do you want to see my book cover?!? The book is coming out in November, but I can show you the cover!  John Herreid designs covers for Ignatius Press, and because he’s my brother-in-law’s brother, he did my cover for free, possibly not realizing that I was going to be an indecisive, vague, controlling lunatic about it.  This is what we came up with.  It absolutely slays me.

So, if you were considering buying this excellent book for your parish, would the side boob dissuade you?  TOO BAD.  I love this cover so much.  Check out Adam’s hairy legs!  And the priest is like, “WHAT the–”

Oh, and a rejected book cover

I forgot about this one.

John reminds me that he also offered to  “draw an angry cartoon guy shouting ‘DIS WOOKS WIKE COWNTWACEPTIVE MENTAWITY!!’ to add in the margins alongside controversial passages.”  Maybe for the hardcover edition, eh?

My profile of Dr. Carpentier in OSV

I wrote this article about Dr. Paul Carpentier quite a while ago – glad they are running it for NFP awareness week!  A great doctor and a good man.

Doctor keeps medical practice in line with Catholic teaching

 

Dr. Paul Carpentier, founder of In His Image Family Medicine in Gardner, Mass., said he doesn’t have an especially unusual mission.

“It’s just one of stewardship,” he said. “I intend to do the best I can with the skills God has given me, for the community that presents itself for care.” But something sets him apart.

On his website is this notice: “Please be advised that this practice does not provide abortions, sterilizations, contraceptives, artificial reproductive technologies or assisted suicide, nor do we refer for these services.”

“I’m not inflicting some kind of hardship on patients,” Carpentier told Our Sunday Visitor. These services are available everywhere, and Massachusetts health care covers most of them. When Carpentier tells his patients that he can’t perform certain practices because they are against his conscience, he said most people don’t object.

“In 23 years, I’ve only had two patients storm out,” he said. They were mothers who had taken the day off work to bring their daughters in for contraceptives. “I actually talked to the daughters,” he said. “I told the moms, ‘Talk to your daughters. They don’t want to be on the pill.’”

Read the rest . . .

Theology of the Body reading recommendations?

A reader writes:

 I’ve got a Catholic friend who is sorely in need of some good reading materials on the main concepts in Theology of the Body. She buys into very secular views of contraception, abortion, marriage, and sex in general, and has admitted a total lack of education regarding the Catholic teaching on the subjects, as well as a (reluctant) interest in obtaining said education.

I’m looking for something that’s intelligent, readable, down to earth, doesn’t assume that you already agree with the Church teaching, and hits all the main points without an angry polemical vibe. I checked out some stuff by Christopher West, but didn’t like it too much.
Any suggestions, smarties?  If you have something to recommend, it would be very helpful if you could say a few things about why you liked it, or what kind of audience it would be appropriate for.
Thanks!