As a bona fide music snob, I’ll open by sheepishly admitting that I kind of like the Dan Schutte’s “Gloria.” Yes, the My Little Pony one. It’s not very good music, but it’s fun to sing, and it’s cheerful, which, mysteriously, not all Glorias are.
If you missed the fun when it came out, here’s the Gloria side by side with the MLP song:
I feel pretty strongly about lousy church music, but I also feel pretty strongly that, when there’s nothing you can do about the music, that’s your signal to be glad the sacraments are efficacious no matter how many banjos are present.
However, I woke up this morning mit brennender sorge about “Shepherd Me, O God.” Specifically, in my head it kept merging in and out of a song which I believe to be its aesthetic equal: “I’m Moving On” by Yoko Ono. Have a listen:
and here’s its spiffy little twin:
EH? EH? And yes, this is the one where she makes that coughing bird noise at the end! Haugen, take note.
Speaking of moving on, here’s “Come Sail Away” by Styx:
and HERE is its soulmate, “We Are Called”:
But wait, there’s more! “Pure Imagination” sounds like this:
which, if you’re patient, melds seamlessly with this:
What else? How about “Gather Us In”
which is clearly keeping a secret “Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald” locked up in the attic?
Now we’ll switch things up a bit and start with a small little turd of a worship song: “Lord Reign In Me”
and here’s what happens when you write this same song, but not turdly:
In conclusion, I’d like to point out that “Go Make a Difference”
is almost indistinguishable from this:
and I would be happy to sing it at Mass. Because it speaks to me! Who are you to say that it doesn’t belong at Mass, if it speaks to me? Pbbbbbbt.
Image: Public Domain, https://commons.wikimedia.org/w/index.php?curid=490547