When my kids were little and we were house hunting, the one thing I promised them was that we would find a house where we could hook up a hose. The place we’d been renting before had no hose spigot, and even though we went to the pool and the beach, I always felt like an important part of their childhood was missing.
So we found a house, and we did hook up a hose and filled up a little wading pool. The kids loved it, and they loved the sprinkler I set up and the little water slide we had on the grassy slope. They spent a lot of time out there every summer, gleefully playing as all kids play in a small amount of water.
One month we found ourselves with all our bills paid and a little leftover money, so we splurged on something else I’d always wanted for my kids: A wooden play structure. It had swings and a slide and a climbing net and a little tower with a wheel, and they had endless active time and pretend games, swarming up and down and on and over it; and as they grew, they nailed things to it and painted it and switched out swings and made it more and more their own.
Kids growing up
Several years passed, the kids were getting older, and I again found myself looking for something to make our yard richer for them, more exciting and entertaining, and something to draw them outside and keep them active. We got a trampoline, the biggest one we could find, and it was wonderful. Kids of all ages could use it, from the toddler who got bopped up and down like a piece of popcorn when the other kids jumped, to the teenagers who needed to work off some angst and frustration with a furious solo jumping session in the evening.
The other day, I looked in the shed, hunting for some pruning shears, and I saw so many toys that no one has played with in years. Bikes with silly little miniature wheels. A beloved backyard ride-on roller coaster that we took apart and brought with us in move after move but that hasn’t been assembled for a while. There’s a red and blue playhouse, once in constant, hot demand, and now it’s faded with the sun and occupied only by blackberry brambles and a few spiders.
It’s the same on the porch, and in the attic. So many roller skates and stilts and baseball gloves and bow and arrow sets, games and activities that I gathered and brought home for my kids to try to make them happy, to make them healthy, to make them into well-rounded people who could do a lot of things and knew how to enjoy themselves, and were strong and determined and capable. I wanted our home to be the place they would want to be, and the place they’d want to bring their friends to, so I constantly worked hard to fill their life with everything rich I could manage, and I constantly encouraged them to use them. Sometimes I even insisted they use them.
Have I mentioned that my children are growing up?
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Thanks for writing articles like these…I’m always curious when you mention the older kids. I have ten too but only one has moved out so far and my youngest is only 20 months so I’m just a step behind you. It’s been a struggle figuring out how to relate to my kids as they reach the teen and then the adult years.
We also took down the swing set last summer. But for many years, I had been happily putting the Lincoln Logs and playhouses and all those old baseball spikes and batting helmets to the curb, just as soon as our youngest had outgrown them. To accommodate our teens and twenty somethings now, we’ve got spike ball nets and cornhole sets to go along with the firepit. And unless those suddenly fall out of favor with the younger crowd, I doubt we’ll be getting rid of them any time soon.
But I do struggle with throwing out my kids’ memorabilia. Various awards and other things are still collecting dust in their bedrooms. Next month, our oldest is moving into her own place, sans roommates for the first time. She’s even buying herself matching grown up furniture. All through COVID, she was here at least as much as she was in DC, sleeping among her dance trophies and sashes. As of late, we’ve had more and more visiting “in-laws” (as my youngest son calls his older brothers’ girlfriends), and I had already determined that I was going to make our daughter’s room the official guest bedroom. That means every single thing from her room that doesn’t belong in a guest room will either go to the curb or to my daughter’s new place. It really feels like a new phase of our lives (and hers).
We’ve certainly aimed (and mostly succeeded, I think) to put down physical, emotional, and religious roots for our family. I hope our daughter and all our kids will always feel they can come home, but I think once their “stuff” is gone, they’ll feel more like they’re coming as cherished, welcomed adults.
This article was very relatable, and it made me teary. Beautifully written post.
Lovely, just lovely.
We took down our swing set last summer, and now the sandbox and kids picnic table are gone too. We’re filling our yard with trees and a trampoline – good for teens and enthusiastic adults.
It is hard to say goodbye to some of it- I was a great mom of preschoolers and young kids. I’m finding I’m a bit lost now that I have only adolescents and up.