Poetry for your walls, Vol. 3!

Several years ago, I suggested printing out good but accessible poems and hanging them on the walls of your house. I listed 50 poems, mostly short enough to fit on one page. 

The good thing about having a poem not just tucked away in a book, but hanging on the wall of your home – especially on a wall that you’re likely to spend time staring at anyway, like one next to the toilet, or on the cabinet by the sink when you’re washing the dishes – is that you are likely to read it over and over again, and let it really sink into your imagination.  (The mark of a good poem is that it can be read over and over again, at different stages of your life, and it won’t go stale.) 

Of course the downside to having poems in all the places where people naturally hang out is that they may be literarily inexhaustible, but they do get beat up physically.  

Of course you could do it right and print them out on good paper and frame them, but it is too late for me to turn into that kind of person. As Chesterton said, if a thing is worth doing, then it’s worth doing badly. Anyway, the first batch of wall poems inevitably got stained and torn and crumpled; so I made a second list and printed out more poems.  

I’ve kept it up over the years, on and off, whenever we manage to have both ink and paper in the printer.  Whenever I come across something that sounds good, and like something I would like my kids to see, I print it out right then and there and stick it to the wall.  

Some of the kids don’t care at all, and just ignore them; but some of them like the poems, and memorize them, and seek out more poetry now that they’re adults. What a delight! 

I’m here today with a new list with another 15 worthwhile poems (or excerpts), short enough to fit on one page:  

  • “No Time” by Billy Collins 
  • “California Hills In August” by Dana Goia 
  • “Praise in Summer” by Richard Wilbur 
  • “Saint Judas by” James Wright 
  • “Antiphon for the Holy Spirit” by Hildegarde of Bingen  
  • “Holy Week” by Sally Thomas …. Read the rest of my latest for The Catholic Weekly. 

Relics are central to the Catholic faith

It was so hot and the air conditioning was so feeble I almost bailed out of line at the Salvation Army. Instead, I passed the time by checking out the jewelry case.

Blue rhinestone earrings. Some plastic bracelets. A grimy jackknife. And two relics. 

Yes, relics. They were unmistakable to the Catholic eye. Two round, brass cases the size of a half dollar, each with a glass window showing a scrap of organic material mounted on red cloth with a tiny paper label underneath. I didn’t have my reading glasses, so I couldn’t see who they were. But they were clearly somebody.

They were $3 each, so I bought them, tucked them into my wallet and drove home, trembling.

At home, I took a closer look, and nearly fell down. One said “s.Helen.Imp” and the other “S. Petri Ap.” St. Helen? St. Peter? Was this possible? 

I opened the backs, and each one revealed a blob of red wax imprinted with a seal holding in place two thin red cords. These were starting to look very real indeed. 

I took careful photos and sent them to Sacra, a Minneapolis-based private organization that restores and documents relics. Then I went back to the store to tell the manager it’s not her fault she didn’t recognize these things as relics, but if she gets any more, she should call a priest; these were very likely human remains.

Strange that they ended up at a Salvation Army in rural New Hampshire; but perhaps stranger that the Catholic Church is in the habit of saving little bits of bodies and bones and scraps of hair and cloth, putting them under glass, and praying before them in our homes and in our churches. 

Why do we do this? What does it mean? 

Pagan dread

Catholics have collected and preserved relics of their holy dead since the earliest days of the Church. 

“Anywhere you have the authentic Catholic faith, you have relics,” Sean Pilcher, founder of Sacra, told me.

When Emperor Trajan threw St. Ignatius of Antioch to the lions around the year 110, Christians recovered what was left of his body, and now his arm, breastbone and possibly his head repose in various churches. When St. Cyprian was beheaded in 259, Christians spread cloths to sop up his spilled blood. 

St. Polycarp, a disciple of the apostle John, was martyred by burning in the year 155, and the faithful collected his ashes and venerated them, calling them “more valuable than gold,” according to Deacon Tom McDonald, a teacher, hospice minister and author of the Weird Catholic Substack.

What Christians were doing was something new, and their pagan neighbors were baffled and sometimes horrified to see them so comfortable with death. It’s one thing to have keepsakes of the beloved dead, but it’s another to keep pieces of the dead themselves. The Jewish people considered dead bodies ritually impure, and even cultures that worshipped their ancestors generally did so with more fear than reverence. 

“The dead are protected against, chained down, covered in amulets to keep them from walking,” McDonald told me. “(Stories about) ghosts in the ancient world almost uniformly are based on failure to properly care for the body.” 

But Christians were not only unafraid of the dead, they believed the remains of the dead were a connection to eternal life. 

“Relics are inherently sacred things. If you say St. Andrew is in heaven, what you really mean is the soul of St. Andrew is experiencing the beatific vision; but his body is really him. It’s still on earth. So there is some way that Andrew, who is beholding the face of God, is still connected to his body,” Pilcher said. 

The bodies of the saints — especially the martyrs, who willingly followed Christ in death — have a particular relation to the the risen body of Christ.

“We believe those remains will participate in the resurrection, and we anticipate that moment by preserving them and venerating them,” McDonald said. 

“We don’t kick someone out just because they’re dead. They’re still going to come to Mass. We’re going to put them close to the altar, because that’s the first place the dead will rise. We won’t be afraid of them anymore. In fact we’re going to put their heads in glass cases and process them around the church. Take that, pagans!” 

If ancient people were afraid of making contact with dead bodies, modern people — even Catholics — often find it distasteful or disgusting. This unease is partly because modern people simply aren’t used to being close to death. We hide dead bodies away, and if they’re on view at funerals, they’re embalmed and heavily made up. 

But even those who are comfortable with death might ask how Catholics can claim to respect the human body so highly, from conception to natural death, and then cut the best ones up into bits and send them around the world. … Read the rest of my latest and I guess my last for Our Sunday Visitor. 

What’s for supper? Vol. 441: Mama the Hutt

Happy Friday! Boska!

SATURDAY
Leftovers and Aldi pizza

Just a regular Saturday, as far as I can recall. The shopping turn kid is a thrift store fanatic like me, so we ended up adding three stops to the normal run. I got this cake platter which I’m not 100% sure is a cake platter, but it was in the kitchen section. 

I figured if it was actually a plaque and toxic or something, I could just put a piece of parchment paper on it before serving food. You can see it has these invaluable holes for trapping meringue and caramel, which will be important later. 

I also bought a wig (new in package! I like excitement, but not lice excitement) that may or may not come in handy for the Halloween costume I may or may not wear. 

On Saturday, I started making ice cream for a baked Alaska for Clara’s birthday! Actually, I think I started on Friday. Actually, I started last week, because I was confused about what the date was. Long story short, I ended up making ice cream something like seven times before I figured out that someone had set the freezer at the lowest setting and that’s why my ice cream kept going wrong. THAT’S WHY. 

SUNDAY
Grilled ham and cheese, chips, tomato soup

Damien was planning to start Monday’s birthday meal, but he was feeling terrible, so I took over. It was the Deadspin chicken cutlets, which are so delicious, we always make three times as much as we need, so we can just keeping eating them all week. 

I think I had about nine big fat chicken breasts, and I sliced each one into four thin cutlets, and then I pounded them flat. Wrapped those up and put them in the fridge, and made the sauce, which is olive oil and red pepper flakes, onions, garlic, canned tomatoes and their juice, tomato paste, and a ton of red wine. 

Then I made an orange pound cake (I used a Krusteaz mix and added orange juice and zest), and got back to making ice cream, which I had to interrupt the other day because oops, no corn syrup in the house. 

Nice easy supper, grilled ham and cheese and tomato soup. 

Truly an unbeatable weekend meal. 

So when I asked Clara what she wanted for her birthday, she said “the fanciest ice cream known to mankind,” and it was my idea to make a baked Alaska. The plan I eventually came up with was this:

So all the elements were: 

-Orange pound cake with orange glaze (Krusteaz mix)
–Olive oil saffron ice cream with burnt orange ripple
–Triple chocolate ice cream with hazelnuts
-Fresh strawberry jam (2 lbs strawberries pureed, juice of half a lemon, maybe 3/4 cup sugar)
-Blackberry ice cream 

I can’t seem to find the recipe for the blackberry ice cream, but I wasn’t crazy about it anyway. It left kind of a film on my teeth, and it didn’t get you to sieve out the seeds, so it was seedy. Probably could have anticipated that, but I did not. 

I ended up churning the saffron olive oil ice cream twice (freezing the bowls in between, so this was over the course of several days), and the damn stuff still would not freeze. So I ended up rescuing it this way, thanks to a suggestion on Reddit: I put it in the freezer in the mixing bowl for 25 minutes, and also froze the whisk attachment, and then scraped the sides and whisked it for a few minutes to combine it, then put it back in the freezer for 25 minutes, then took it out and mixed it, etc. I did this about six times, and eventually it turned into actual (if soft) ice cream, WHEW. So that’s good to know! Sometimes ice cream just will not freeze, but it can be saved!

Anyway, here is a picture of the orange caramel:

It didn’t come out as dark as in the recipe, but hooooo boy. Was this ever up my alley. 

I will tell you now that the saffron olive oil ice cream was good, not incredible. It did taste like olive oil and saffron, and it went really well with the orange caramel, and it was incredibly rich and creamy, and turned out a gorgeous intense yellow. Just not something I’m going to rush out and make again. (You should know the recipe is written in a slightly nutty way. For instance, these are the first three ingredients:

So you’re thinking, “ah, she will have you add cornstarch at two different times.” Nope! Just four teaspoons of cornstarch, but confusing. Oh well. 

MONDAY
Chicken cutlets, baked Alaska 

Monday I made the strawberry jam, which is always a lovely way to spend half an hour: 

I got all the elements assembled and into the bowl around 2:00, which. . . should have been soon enough. 

For a more detailed guide on how to assemble a Baked Alaska, I wrote it all out in this post, when I made one for our 25th anniversary. 

Then I put the tomato sauce for the chicken in the slow cooker to stay warm, and got hopping on the chicken! You coat each piece in salted, peppered flour, then in beaten eggs, and then in a mix of half breadcrumbs, half grated parmesan cheese. Then you fry those suckers in olive oil. 

When they are browned on both sides, you lay a basil leaf on each one, top it with a slice of provolone, and lay a scoop of hot sauce over the top.

Beautiful. Magnificent. We generally only have this meal on special occasions, because it’s labor intensive and expensive, buy wow is it good. I was happy Damien was able to enjoy eating it without having labored over it all day, for once!

After we recovered from feasting for a bit, I made a meringue. Last time I made a meringue, the sugar was a little gritty, so I tried a technique from King Arthur Flour where you combine the egg whites and sugar  (I actually hedged my bets and used superfine sugar, which is sugar whirred up in the food processor) with cream of tartar and salt and whisk it over a pot of simmering water until the sugar dissolves. 

and then you beat it in the standing mixer as usual until it’s stiff. Worked great! No gritty sugar.

Then you pull the baked Alaska out of the freezer, flip it and ease it out of the bowl, slap meringue all over it, and either bake or torch it. 

This baked alaska was, like so many of us, beautiful but unstable. Some of the ice cream was softer than I wanted, and the caramel was pretty oozy. So I handed Clara the torch and she did the honors.

 You can see it sliding! Exciting!

Then I slopped a little bit spiced rum on it, and we lit that on fire, too. It never stays lit as long as I expect it to, but it’s pretty. 

When I sliced it, you could see that I . . . well, remember when I was making the brick patio and I really tried to get the layers level, and I really did what I could, but at a certain point I just embraced the wobble? That is basically what happened here, except this time I didn’t hit myself in the face with a shovel. 

Sort of a Jabba the Baked Alaska situation. 

Jabba wah ning chee kosthpa murishani tytung ye wanya yoskah. Hoh hoh hoh hohhhh, and haaaapy birthday. 

Anyway, it was delicious. Will absolutely be making the chocolate hazelnut recipe again (it’s made with dark chocolate, cocoa, and Nutella, plus toasted hazelnuts), and the orange caramel part, if not the olive oil saffron ice cream, and will use that meringue technique going forward, too. Everyone was stuffed with food, and sat around and yakked and laughed, and she liked her presents, and we had a nice time. Yay!

TUESDAY
Leftover chicken cutlets

Tuesday, as planned, we had leftover chicken. I had been planning spaghetti with sauce and cut up chicken, but I was so exhausted by evening, I told everyone to just do whatever they wanted. I myself toasted some bread and made a little sandwich. 

Actually quite a big sandwich! Yummy. 

Then one kid started to flip out at another kid, and I asked kid 2 if she wanted me to intervene, and she said, “Can you do it without escalating the situation?” and I thought about it, and said, “No.” Then I fixed myself a bowl of saffron olive oil ice cream with burnt orange caramel swirl, sat on the couch, wrapped myself in a blanket, and pretended I was alone. 

Alone with my ice cream. 

If you are wondering how my weight loss journey is going, it’s going great. I find that if you fry My Fitness App in olive oil, it comes out a really nice toasty brown. 

WEDNESDAY
Chicken burrito bowl

Wednesday I didn’t super duper have a plan, but I had a bunch of chicken legs that were on sale, so I put them in the pressure cooker with some salsa and some water and pressed the “poultry” button. 

When they were done, I pulled the meat off the bone and put it in the slow cooker with the rest of the jar of salsa, and used the pressure cooker again to make a big pot of plain rice. I served the chicken and rice with corn, cilantro, sour cream, shredded pepper jack cheese, lime wedges, and a sophisticated garnish of flaming red Takis.

And a little hot sauce on top. And it was very good! 

THURSDAY
Kielbasa, brussels sprouts, red potatoes

Thursday I suddenly remembered I promised I would take Corrie to some kind of turtle presentation at the library. So I zipped around prepping supper, and left it on the stove with a note on when and how to cook it, but then I forgot to tell anyone to do it, and they texted me, but I guess I had my ringer off? Sorry, busy admiring turtles. 

Look at those pulkies!

The kids smartly figured out to put the food in the oven, and I came home in time to finish cooking it.

Here’s the recipe:

Jump to Recipe

So it cooked halfway, and then I stirred it up and poured the sauce over it and finished it cooking, and then finished it under the broiler to crisp up the brussels sprouts. Oh do I love some crisped-up brussels sprouts.

I actually didn’t have any honey, so I used brown sugar. I ended up needing a lot more than I expected to make it as sweet as honey, and then I ended up using more brown sugar than I meant to, so it turned out quite sweet. Nobody complained, though! This is such a great fall meal. It would have been really good with some beer bread or biscuits, but this was not the day for that. 

Here’s the beer bread recipe anyway.

Jump to Recipe

and here’s what it looks like. 

I don’t really miss drinking at all, at this point. It’s been over two years! I do miss having beer and wine in the house to cook and bake with, though. (Obviously I go out an buy it if I need it, but it’s a hassle.) Anyway, mmmmm, beer bread. 

FRIDAY
French toast casserole, hash browns

Still trying to figure out how much bread to buy now that the chief sandwichman of the house has moved out, and we have a ton of bread hanging around, so french toast casserole it is.

(For this, you just tear up bread, mix it with milk and egg batter with maybe some vanilla and a little salt, pour it into a buttered casserole dish, dot it with butter, and sprinkle cinnamon and sugar on top; then bake until the egg is firm.)

Perhaps I will give the children a thrill and put chocolate chips in it. Not that they deserve it, but who among us. 

Print

One-pan kielbasa, cabbage, and red potato dinner with mustard sauce

This meal has all the fun and salt of a wiener cookout, but it's a tiny bit fancier, and you can legit eat it in the winter. 

Ingredients

  • 3-4 lbs kielbasa
  • 3-4 lbs red potatoes
  • 1-2 medium cabbages
  • (optional) parsley for garnish
  • salt and pepper and olive oil

mustard sauce (sorry, I make this different each time):

  • mustard
  • red wine if you like
  • honey
  • a little olive oil
  • salt and pepper
  • fresh garlic, crushed

Instructions

  1. Preheat the oven to 400. 

    Whisk together the mustard dressing ingredients and set aside. Chop parsley (optional).

    Cut the kielbasa into thick coins and the potatoes into thick coins or small wedges. Mix them up with olive oil, salt, and pepper and spread them in a shallow pan. 

    Cut the cabbage into "steaks." Push the kielbasa and potatoes aside to make room to lay the cabbage down. Brush the cabbage with more olive oil and sprinkle with more salt and pepper. It should be a single layer of food, and not too crowded, so it will brown well. 

    Roast for 20 minutes, then turn the food as well as you can and roast for another 15 minutes.  

    Serve hot with dressing and parsley for a garnish. 

Print

Beer bread

A rich, buttery quick bread that tastes more bready and less cake-y than many quick breads. It's so easy (just one bowl!) but you really do want to sift the flour.

This recipe makes two large loaf pan loaves.

Ingredients

  • 6 cups flour, sifted
  • 2 Tbsp baking powder
  • 2 tsp salt
  • 1/2 cup sugar
  • 2 12-oz cans beer, preferably something dark
  • 1 stick butter

Instructions

  1. Preheat oven to 375

  2. Butter two large loaf pans. Melt the stick of butter.

  3. I'm sorry, but you really do want to sift the flour.

  4. In a large bowl, mix together dry ingredients, and stir in beer until it's all combined and nice and thick.

  5. Pour the batter into the loaf pans and pour the melted butter over the top.

  6. Bake for about 50 minutes until it's crusty and knobbly on top.

Doing one thing at the same time

You might remember a song from the ’90s called “Lucky Night,” by Björk’s unserious pre-solo band, the Sugarcubes. It starts, “I’ve tried a lot, and most things excite me; but what tops it all is doing two things at a time.” Björk and Einar then take turns listing possible pairings that she describes as “charming.”

Einar just sing-songs pairs of nouns:

Life and death, Glass and water
Rock and roll, wash and dirty
Christ and Jesus, time and hours… 

But Björk describes activities. You think maybe she is going to say something sexy and transgressive, but actually it’s very normal activities that apparently thrill her: 

To drive a car and listen to music.
To read a book and ride a train…

Sugarcubes’ songs are not designed to be analyzed, so I won’t do that. But for some reason, this one stuck in my head, and I can’t help thinking about how it wouldn’t just be a trifling little song today; it would be nonsensical. I never do only one thing at a time. It is always something—plus a phone. 

To drive a car and be on your phone
To listen to music and be on your phone
To ride a train and be on your phone
To fall in love and be on your phone
To not sleep and and be on your phone
To watch TV and be on your phone
To cuddle and be on your phone

Or in Einar’s mode:

Watch and phone
God and phone
Hammer and phone
Babies and phone

It is not something I try to do so as to make one plus one equal three, as the song promises; it is just how it is. I have my phone with me in the bathroom, in the car, while I’m cooking, while I’m eating, while I’m cleaning, when I’m working, while I am allegedly sleeping. When I am at church, I do turn my phone’s ringer off, but I sure don’t leave it at home. I would never.

Obviously, my phone isn’t all bad. I use it to listen to music, to identify birds and flowers, to be in touch with my kids in an emergency, to chat with my friends and my husband, to find recipes and instructions and helpful advice, and to take photos and videos of wonderful things that other people enjoy seeing. But overall, “Life and Phone” has not been an improvement, to put it mildly.

My phone’s omnipresence sucks the life out of whatever else I am doing. It always drains something from the other thing, sometimes a little, sometimes a lot. It is like a needy infant that requires constant heightened attention, even when it is asleep; but unlike an infant, it never stops being hungry, and unlike an infant, it offers so very little compared to what it snatches away. 

That is what my phone does to me, a middle-aged mom from New England who is at least trying to be good and not waste my life. We don’t have to imagine what it does to foolish young men who are hungry for meaning, hungry for praise, hungry for clout, and who have their phones with them all the time, pouring poison into their faces morning, noon and night, sucking away their power to see humanity. We know what young men plus phones adds up to, more and more often. There is no non-dramatic way to put it: It tells them to kill, and to etch little phrases from memes on the bullet casings. Expect to see more of this.

Don’t quit; rest

Today I did my normal 20-minute workout routine, and, having some energy left over, I decided to shake things up by trying a new dumbbell workout, which was also only 20 minutes. 

Or, as I did it, five minutes, and then four minutes, and then four minutes, and then four minutes, and then three minutes, with panting, sweating, and mild cussing in between. It was harder than I was expecting! It turns out routines specifically designed for middle-aged women are easier than routines that are not. Guess which kind this one was! 

But I did it. Eventually. With lots of rests.  

My ten-year-old gets some perverse pleasure out of watching me struggle, so as she lounged on the couch, I took the opportunity to give her one of my favorite mini TED talks: Don’t quit; rest.  

I told here there will be lots of times in life when things get really hard, and you’re going to want to give up. You will feel like you just can’t go on anymore, and you just want to stop. And that will be okay! You can stop.  

But don’t quit; just rest, and then see if you can start up again. I told her that getting in the habit of taking a break, rather than giving up entirely, will serve her through every aspect of her life. (I waved my arms around a bit, at this point. EVERY ASPECT.) 

I wish somebody had told me that when I was ten, because it’s taken me 50 years to figure it out. There are very few things in life that absolutely have to be a full-bore, all-out, no breaks, start-to-finish push. But there are quite a lot of things that you really must not quit altogether, but which have room for some rest, so you can get yourself together and then keep going.  

This rhythm of work and rest and work again is really baked into how we’re designed. It’s how we give birth, with the contractions coming in waves, with rest in between. It’s how we get through the week, with five or six days or work, and then a sabbath – not so we can quit, but so we can rest. It’s how our bodies and minds are made. If we do not ever sleep, we really will quit: We will die.  

“Rest” doesn’t always mean stopping completely. Sometimes it means lowering your standards. 

Now here’s the important part….

Read the rest of my latest for The Catholic Weekly. 

Image: Siesta By Vincent van Gogh – Musée d’Orsay, Public Domain

What’s for supper? Vol. 440: Thank you for your attention to this batter.

Happy Friday! We had so much yummy food this week, and I can’t wait to tell you about it! So I won’t! I mean I won’t wait! Here’s what we had: 

SATURDAY
Leftovers and pizza pockets for kids, steak dinner for adults

Saturday Damien and I went tent camping! It wasn’t that far from home, but it was rural enough that there was no cell phone or internet service. So I put my phone in my purse and I didn’t take it out again for twenty hours. (If you felt a disturbance in the universe, that’s probably what it was.) So I have zero pictures, and zero regrets about that. 

It was glorious. It felt like my brain was being bathed in cool, refreshing water. We just slowwwwed down and did very little. Well, I did very little. Damien did all the packing and made all the arrangements and blew up the air mattress and set up the tent, and he also shopped for and cooked a wonderful meal: Good cheese and good bread and fresh berries for starters, and then he cooked two steaks over the fire. We had some good sharp ginger beer along with it. After we ate, we just sat and stared at the fire, and then we walked to the nearby field and looked at the stars for a bit, and then we went to bed. Magnificent.

The only sour note was the way acorns kept falling from the trees. I know that sounds like a very basic bitch thing to complain about (very “scenery is not breathtaking”), but these were the biggest acorns I have ever seen, and they were firing down from the trees like artillery. I’ve never seen anything like it, and I was genuinely afraid of getting hit. The weirdest thing was, I couldn’t figure out which tree they were coming from! We were surrounded by maples and evergreens, but there was still this invisible oak tree trying to kill us all night. It was truly alarming, and it actually woke me up about fifteen times. But even so, the first thing I thought in the morning was, “We have to do this again soon.” I really love sleeping outside, even if I barely sleep. 

Last time we went camping, we brought the coffee machine, but the battery pack turned out not to be strong enough to power it. This time, we brought a little propane camp stove and a French press, and Damien made coffee and toasted some bagels and fried some bacon over the fire, and brought me a lovely breakfast in tent. 

These are campsites that you park at, and there are other sites fairly close by. The guy across the road from us, for instance, was chopping and sawing wood when we arrived, and he continued to chop and saw wood for hours. And hours. He just kept chopping and sawing and stacking wood, chopping and sawing and stacking wood. Sometimes he would take a break for a while, and then we’d hear the saw start up again. So of course every time, we muttered, “He’s at it again!” and “Lass ihn, lass ihn!” but it was just weird. We figured maybe he promised his wife they could absolutely talk about The Thing, definitely, babe, as soon as he got some wood chopped. Just gotta chop some wood first. What, does she want them to freeze? Then she wakes up the next morning and the entire forest has been felled, and he’s still chopping. 

Anyway, we were thinking next time we might go to a more remote spot. They have campsites with platforms and I think maybe even pit toilets, but you have to hike to them — so no backing up to your site and unloading a million supplies onto a picnic table, but you have to carry it on your back. I think we can do it! Probably won’t be bringing fresh blackberries and a french press, but maybe we will. 

SUNDAY

So we went to Mass at a local church, and the kids at home were all sick, so they stayed home. We were both pretty tired when we got back, but Damien did a million jobs anyway — he did some work on some rotten soffits, and I think he worked on someone’s car,  winterized the pool, set some traps, and yes, he chopped some wood. For the wood stove in his office! Just a normal amount of wood. 

I got busy with the pressing task of rearranging my skeletons. I had an ambitious idea of setting them up on one of those see-saw swings, suspended from a tree, but blah blah blah it was harder than I thought; so I ended up just perching three of them together up in a tree, and they do look like they’re having fun. This year’s new skeleton, Mortadella, I arranged on top of one of our defunct cars, with a young skeleton on his shoulders. I’m not completely happy with them right now, so I’ll probably rearrange them. Anyway, Instacart never has trouble finding our house anymore. 

I truly forget what we had for supper. Oh wait, it was chicken quesadillas. I bought a rotisserie chicken for this because I figured we’d want something quick and easy, and I was right! 

MONDAY
Ziti with sausage and Alfredo sauce

Monday I made my very first Alfredo sauce. I can’t understand how it is that I’ve never made it before, but wow, it is delicious and easy. I followed this recipe from Sip and Feast, and all you do is put butter, cheese, and cream in a bowl (the cream makes it not 100% authentic, but oof it was good), dump your cooked pasta on top of it and mix it up with a little reserved hot pasta water. 

I cooked up a bunch of sausages and added those in with the pasta, and it was fantastic. Totally worth grating some cheese fresh while the pasta is cooking. (Those wedges of parmesan from Aldi have changed my life in a minor but undeniable way.)

Note, I was eating outside with a book. I have been trying to prolong the no-phone brain-rinse effect as much as possible. 

The kids were not impressed with the Alfredo sauce, and I anticipated this, so I made a pound of plain pasta and set aside some plain sausages and grated cheese. And all was well. 

Also on Monday, I finally managed to finish cleaning the pot I burned last Saturday making applesauce! I soaked it for the longest time and attacked it with every tool I could get my hands on, but it still looked like this:

so I dumped in a bunch of baking soda and water and dish soap and let that simmer for several hours. I actually forgot about it and it cooked itself dry, so I ended up having to scrub the baked-on soapy baking powder as well as the burned-on applesauce, but I did it. 

Phew. I really liked that pot. I got it on the side of the road, along with two other very big pots. The only thing I don’t like about them is that they’re so big, it’s hard to find a spot for them. WHICH IS NO LONGER A PROBLEM, AS YOU WILL SEE. 

TUESDAY
Pulled pork, tater tots, roast butternut squash rings

Tuesday I got a pork butt cooking in the morning for pulled pork.

Jump to Recipe

Cut it up, heavy salt and pepper, sear it in a pan, and then dump it in the Instant Pot with cider vinegar, apple cider, cumin, ground cloves, jalapeños, red pepper flakes, and a quartered onion. I think I cooked it for 18 minutes on high and then let it just keep warm the rest of the day.

When it was close to suppertime, I pulled the meat out of the liquid and shredded it in the standing mixer

 

and then added back a little bit of that savory broth it was cooking in. 

My knock-off Instant Pot (I think it’s called Potastic or something) is doing great, by the way. And now the silicone ring smells permanently like cumin and onion, so it’s officially mine. 

I made a few bags of tater tots and a pan of butternut squash rings. It being squash season, I will remind you that it’s way way easier to peel and cut butternut squash if you cut off the ends and/or jab it all over with a fork, and throw it in the microwave for three minutes. Comes out way more compliant!

So I cut the peeled squash into circles and rings (I sliced it into rings first, and then  removed the seeds and pulp by pressing them hard with a mason jar ring), laid them on a pan on parchment paper, and drizzled it with honey, olive oil, cumin, cinnamon, and salt. I just roasted it under the broiler, and it came out lovely. 

I also indulged in some incredibly vulgar jarred cheese product to top it all off. So I had a heap of tater tots, shredded pork on top of that, and topped with BBQ sauce and hot cheese sauce, with squash on the side. 

It was so good. The only thing that would have made it better would have been to eat it out of a little cardboard boat with a plastic fork. I did eat it outside, anyway. Getting as much outdoor time as possible as the temperatures drop. 

The squash was great, too! I do love squash, ever since I ate it for the first time in the hospital a few hours after giving birth to Corrie, who also loves squash. 

WEDNESDAY
Nachos

You know it’s gonna be a top notch meal when I defrost The Chub.

You know which one: The one with the opaque wrapper with a photograph of meat on the outside, and a picture of a cow.

I made two trays of what I am recklessly calling “nachos” — one with just tortilla chips, unseasoned ground beef, and shredded cheese on top, and one with chips, seasoned meat (salt, pepper, garlic powder, onion powder, cumin, paprika, chili powder), jalapeños, shredded cheese, and the rest of that horrible yellow cheese sauce.

They were magnificent nachos, just like 7/11 used to make. 

I think it was also Wednesday that I suddenly got really mad and cleaned out the refrigerator. It was truly foul, and it’s so unnecessary for it to get that way! I have this wonderful system where all the jars and bottles go in the two tubs in the bottom (I long ago replaced the cracked and shattered original vegetable drawers with plastic bins from Walmart), and all the vegetables and herbs go in the door. IT’S SO EASY. Everything is visible and accessible, and I have one tub for dairy products that come in cartons, two tubs for cheese, and one for deli meat; and I let them put leftovers in ZIPLOCK BAGS. Could not be easier. But they insist on putting tops on halfway and laying things diagonally on top of a bag of spaghetti, so everything drips and drools and oozes downward, and the bottom of the fridge slowly fills up with a sticky, unspeakable sludge. Oh, I was so mad. I’ve been mad about this for almost thirty years, and I’m not done yet! Anyway, I cleaned the fridge. 

To clarify: I do clean it more frequently than every thirty years. You know what, let’s move along. 

I also picked the last of the peaches. They were so ripe that I didn’t have to blanch them to pull the skins off. I cut the flesh into chunks, threw it in the blender, and then simmered the pulp. Oh, what a color!

Then I realized I’m really big on burning things these days, so I transferred it to the slow cooker and set it to keep warm, and let it cook the rest of the day.  This will be for today’s dinner.

And that’s the end of peach season! It’s definitely a B year for my peach tree. Next year I expect to have a whole lot more fruit. 

Oh, I also cut up the second pork butt I bought (I forget the exact number, but it was a heck of a sale) and started it marinating for Thursday. 

THURSDAY
Banh mi

Thursday morning, I was like, “Okay, stupid, it’s time to put away that wood that’s been sitting on the dining room table all week. You had your chance to finish building those shelves, and you’re clearly not gonna do it, so just put the freaking wood away.” But then I was like, “But, let’s just see.”

And it turns out I finished building the shelves! Hooray! 

This looks very grimy and broken-in because I used wood we already had lying around. That’s right, I DIDN’T GO TO HOME DEPOT. I made some clownishly scalloped edges and absurdly crooked screws, but! this is a space that was once just a musty, greasy void, where springform pans and sifters went to die, and now it’s a three-layer built-in shelf that goes all the way back

so it’s not gonna fill up with irretrievable measuring spoons and onion skins and candy thermometers. And I finished it in time to pick up the kids who had a half day. So I feel pretty great about it all. 

The top shelf is very narrow because it’s just for pizza pans and cutting boards, which tend to get lost; and the bottom shelf is very tall because it’s just for my beloved giganto stock pots. Hope springs eternal! I also attached the bottom shelf with just a few screws, so we can take it out if there’s a leak or something, and we need to get in there. Eventually I will line the shelves with linoleum or something, and I’m gonna sand and stain the wood. In theory. Why rush? Maybe I’ll just think about it for thirty years. 

So the day before, as I said, I had made the marinade and sliced up the pork for banh mi.

You can see that I double bagged it, because it has a lot of garlic, onion, and fish sauce in it. I was actually a little short on fish sauce, so I supplemented with soy sauce, but didn’t notice any difference.  Still plenty stinky. 

Here’s the recipe for that: 

Jump to Recipe

In the afternoon, I made a big batch of quick-pickled carrots

Jump to Recipe

chopped up a bunch of cucumbers and cilantro, and sliced a bunch of baguettes. I took the meat out of the marinade and spread it on a pan on parchment paper, and shoved it right up under a hot broiler. It doesn’t take long to cook, because it’s cut thin and I had marinated it over night. 

Oof, it was so tender and so savory. I put out jalapeños and mayonnaise with the carrots, cukes, and cilantro, and toasted the buns in the last few minutes as the meat finished cooking, and hoooo boy. What a sandwich. 

I probably won’t be making this again for quite a while, because some family members really truly do not like the smell, and we all gotta live here. But I enjoyed that sandwich. 

FRIDAY
Peach waffles, eggs, OJ

Today, we’ll be having homemade waffles, which — dang, I thought I had made a recipe card, but I guess not. Well, it’s basically this

and for anyone who wants it, I will make peach-filled waffles. I mean anyone who lives here, sorry.

You grease the waffle iron, put a thin layer of batter on, then add the filling

then top it with a little more waffle batter and close the iron. This is a picture from  last year, made with what was basically peach pie filling;

This time, I just have the cooked-down peaches, and I didn’t add anything, because they’re so sweet. Sweet and fleet! That’s peaches. 

I bought a huge amount of eggs, and I can’t remember why, so I guess I’ll make a big batch of scrambled eggs for supper, and orange juice. 

Speaking of eggs, one of our newbie duckies has started laying! Did I already tell you that? I’m not sure if it’s Shaq or Tulip, but we got three eggs in one day, and there are only two adult females (Annie and Ray), so there you go. See if you can guess which egg was laid by the beginner. 

Ducks so crazy. 

Well, I also have some very cool news to tell you about, but it’s not 100% official yet, so I’ll hold off! But you know what, God is being really sweet to me this week. There have been at least three separate things that I’ve been like, “Ughhhhh, I have to do this hard thing. Okay. Okay. I can do it. I’m gonna do it, in a minute. But it’s harrrrd!” and then suddenly I get a little help, something that makes me want to do the thing. Amazing! 

And now, Damien’s covering adoration for me so I can get caught up on writing. So that is what I’m gonna do! Smell ya later. 

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Clovey pulled pork

Ingredients

  • fatty hunk of pork
  • salt and pepper
  • oil for browning
  • 1 cup apple cider vinegar
  • 2/3 cup apple juice
  • 3 jalapeños with tops removed, seeds and membranes intact
  • 1 onion, quartered
  • 2 Tbsp cumin
  • 1 tsp red pepper flakes
  • 2 tsp ground cloves

Instructions

  1. Cut pork into hunks. Season heavily with salt and pepper.

  2. Heat oil in heavy pot and brown pork on all sides.

  3. Move browned pork into Instant Pot or slow cooker or dutch oven. Add all the other ingredients. Cover and cook slowly for at least six hours.

  4. When pork is tender, shred.

 

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Pork banh mi

Ingredients

  • 5-6 lbs Pork loin
  • 1/2 cup fish sauce
  • 3/4 cup sugar
  • 1 minced onion
  • 1/2 head garlic, minced or crushed
  • 2 tsp pepper

Veggies and dressing

  • carrots
  • cucumbers
  • vinegar
  • sugar
  • cilantro
  • mayonnaise
  • Sriracha sauce

Instructions

  1. Slice the raw pork as thinly as you can. 

  2. Mix together the fish sauce ingredients and add the meat slices. Seal in a ziplock bag to marinate, as it is horrendously stinky. Marinate several hours or overnight. 

  3. Grill the meat over coals or on a pan under a hot broiler. 

  4. Toast a sliced baguette or other crusty bread. 

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quick-pickled carrots and/or cucumbers for banh mi, bibimbap, ramen, tacos, etc.

An easy way to add tons of bright flavor and crunch to a meal. We pickle carrots and cucumbers most often, but you can also use radishes, red onions, daikon, or any firm vegetable. 

Ingredients

  • 6-7 medium carrots, peeled
  • 1 lb mini cucumbers (or 1 lg cucumber)

For the brine (make double if pickling both carrots and cukes)

  • 1 cup water
  • 1/2 cup rice vinegar (other vinegars will also work; you'll just get a slightly different flavor)
  • 1/2 cup sugar
  • 1 Tbsp kosher salt

Instructions

  1. Mix brine ingredients together until salt and sugar are dissolved. 

  2. Slice or julienne the vegetables. The thinner they are, the more flavor they pick up, but the more quickly they will go soft, so decide how soon you are going to eat them and cut accordingly!

    Add them to the brine so they are submerged.

  3. Cover and let sit for a few hours or overnight or longer. Refrigerate if you're going to leave them overnight or longer.

 

 

 

What’s for supper? Vol. 439: We put the “disgrazia” in . . . everything.

Happy Friday! Today’s post will be about food, and gardens, and home improvement projects, and that’s it. 

SATURDAY
Leftovers

Especially lavish leftovers, since, incredibly, we still had some steak from last week. I’m struggling mightily to cook less food now that we only have seven people in the house, but, like I said, I’m struggling. 

While I was out shopping, Corrie made two loaves of banana bread. She’s getting really great in the kitchen! It turned out scrumptious, tender and moist. 

Here’s the recipe. 

Jump to Recipe

Sophia has also been baking more, now that the cooler weather has arrived. She made some really intense apple cider muffins with cider buttercream topping later in the week, but I forgot to take a picture. But three cheers for kids who bake! 

I myself made some pretty lousy applesauce. We had these lousy apples 

from our elderly apple tree, Marvin, which the kids feel sentimental about, so every year I make applesauce.

I washed all the spiders off, cut the apples in half, and cut out as many bad spots as I could manage. I took this picture:

because this was an especially large and pristine specimen. I don’t know if there’s anything I can do to this tree to produce better apples. I’ve tried nothing, and I’m fresh out of ideas. 

I put the apple halves in two stock pots with about 3/4 cup of water and set them to simmer. Then I burned one! But I did not burn the other. I let it cook until the apples were soft, and then I put the pot in the fridge. (This is not a necessary step in the recipe; I just didn’t feel like dealing with it anymore that day.) 

Oh, also on Saturday, I fulfilled my end of a contract and dyed Corrie’s hair bright pink. She’s happy with it, but less enthusiastic about having her photo online all the time (sorry, kids. I have regrets), so I will just show you a photo of the dye we used

It is Lime Crime Unicorn Hair, and the color is “Juicy.” The label is the most egregiously illegible thing I’ve ever encountered, and I’ve squinted at a LOT of hair dye. But I have to say, this stuff adheres really, really well. The color is exactly as advertised (I did bleach her hair pretty light first), and it’s staying put so far. 

SUNDAY
Roast beef sandwiches with smoked gouda, garden corn, chips

The beef round eye hunks were still on sale, so we got another one and Damien seasoned and slow cooked it in the oven, and it turned out perrrrrfect. Very juicy and delicious. Unfortunately, the pictures I took make it look like something the plumber would hold up while saying, “Well, HERE’S your problem,” so I’ll skip photos. 

I splurged on some smoked gouda from the deli, and I also bought a jar of hot pepper sandwich spread

and oh man, that was a great combination. 

I see now that my table is gross. I’m not deleting the picture as an act of humility and penance in the face of the way I acted yesterday on social media. Anyway, really great sandwiches.

I picked the second round of corn from the garden, and Damien cooked it in the husk on the grill, and it was sweet and juicy and delicious. Lovely meal. 

Then it was time to make the apple sauce, as I’d been promising! So I set out to look for the foley mill, which I only use once a year to make apple sauce, but for which there is no substitute. Couldn’t find it in the island cabinet, but I did find a bag of rotten potatoes, so I threw that away and scrubbed out the inside of the cabinet. Then I thought, well, the other cabinet could probably use some cleaning, too, especially since it’s not even a cabinet, it’s just a ghastly conglomeration of wire shelving and milk crates and spidery misc. So I started pulling stuff out, and I DID find the foley mill, but then I got to thinking how much I didn’t want to go through that again next year, and how it wouldn’t be that hard to replace this chaos with some actual shelving, so I started looking for scrap wood, and then I thought for once I would treat myself and take some measurements and actually buy some wood specifically for this project, so I went to Home Depot and got back and settled in among the musty old double boilers, dusty candy molds, fusty wedding cake pans and bottles of terrible vermouth, and greasy pencils and bent measuring spoons that had slithered down into the gap, and I got going with the saw and the drill

and Corrie comes in and said, ” . . . I thought you were gonna make apple sauce.” 

I was! I mean, I am! This is the process! For some reason. 

Well, it took seven hours, and it’s not quite done. My pride will not allow me to show you photos of what the new shelves look like. They are level, and made out of real wood, and not likely to fall apart soon, and they are better than what we had, so that’s a win. I just can’t seem to take a picture where they don’t look like they were built by a Dr. Seuss bird, and possibly photographed by a second Dr. Seuss bird who is the first bird’s enemy. But I did fill two cartons with stuff to throw away, which is always nice. 

In my defense, I have built things out of wood before, but I’ve never built something that has to fit inside something else, and it involved more precise  measuring than is . . . customarily my style. 

Anyway, we delivered the bomb. I mean we found the foley mill. I mean I built some shelves. I mean we started making some applesauce!

MONDAY
Garlicky pork chops, homemade applesauce, baked potato

So Monday I actually finished making the applesauce. I spooned the cooked apples, peels and cores and all, into the foley mill. If you’re not familiar with this device, it’s basically a pot with a strainer for a bottom, and in the middle is a crank. When you turn the crank, a tilted blade forces the apples (or whatever) through the strainer, so only the soft, edible parts get pushed through the holes. Turning the crank also makes a spindle scrape the underside of the strainer, depositing the applesauce (or whatever) into the bowl below. It also has three little brackets so the mill stays in place over the bowl while you crank it.

Actually I have a picture!

Just a nicely-designed device. Of course you can peel and core your apples before cooking them, and then you won’t have to strain them out afterward; but it’s so much easier this way (assuming you’re not using a recipe that includes a trip to Home Depot), and cooking the peels along with the insides gives you more flavor and color (if you have nice apples!). Apples that are red, for instance, will result in a lovely dusty rose-colored applesauce. 

When I got it all cranked through, I put the apple pulp into the slow cooker with some butter, white sugar, and lots of cinnamon, and let that go all day. 

Pork chops were on sale, and I really struggle with cooking pork chops so they’re not dry. I thought Nagi might have a solution, and she did! She has a recipe called “Just a Great Pork Chop Marinade,” and even though it’s made with soy sauce, brown sugar, and garlic, she promised it just tastes savory, not Asian, and she was right. It also has dijon mustard, pepper, and Worcestershire sauce. I marinated the chops for several hours, and then broiled them right up under the broiler (the recipe calls for grilling, which would have been nice). SCRUMPTIOUS.

I will absolutely be returning to this recipe. These are probably the juiciest pork chops I have ever made. 

I threw a bunch of potatoes in the oven for 40 minutes or so, and we had the pork, applesauce, and baked potatoes for a very fine fall meal. 

Someday the kids are going to have applesauce made from actual good apples, and they’re gonna realize . . . well, you know what, it doesn’t matter. They liked the applesauce, and this was a very popular meal. And I delivered the bomb. 

TUESDAY
Buffalo chicken wraps

Tuesday Damien and I and a kid spent all day on the road and at a largely useless and frustrating doctor’s appointment, so I was very glad I had planned an easy dinner: Buffalo chicken wraps. 

Or, I was glad until I realized I had planned it, but not actually bought any buffalo chicken. A small error! Damien gallantly zipped off to the store and bought some, and we had a late but popular meal: Tortillas with buffalo chicken, blue cheese or ranch dressing, shredded lettuce, sliced tomatoes, shredded pepper jack cheese, and crunchy fried onions.

We still have a giant backlog of tortillas in the house, so get ready for more wraps. 

WEDNESDAY
Chicken with chickpeas and piquant onions, Jerusalem salad, yogurt sauce, pita

Wednesday I made a dish I haven’t made for quite some time: Chicken with chickpeas. It’s a middle eastern-ish recipe and none of the steps are hard, but I’m always a little surprised at how many elements it has. I guess I have it in my head that it’s an INCREDIBLY SIMPLE meal, and it really isn’t. It’s just regular-easyish. 

Anyway, I got the chicken marinating, cut up the onions, and made the lemony onions side dish and the yogurt sauce and the Jerusalem salad. Tons of color!

I’ll put all those recipes at the end. Oops, I guess I don’t have a card for Jerusalem salad. Well, it’s just tomatoes, cucumbers, fresh cilantro and/or parsley, some olive oil, and lemon juice, salt and pepper. All of these dishes really want fresh lemon juice, if you can manage it. Bottled lemon juice always has kind of a stale stank to it, so if you’re going to use it in a dish that doesn’t get cooked, I always try to do fresh. 

Then when I got home, it really was very simple and easy to just chunk the chicken and chickpeas and onions into the oven. This recipe has you marinating the chicken in a spiced yogurt sauce, which makes the meat moist as heck, but even more importantly gives the skin a magnificent texture. 

The marinade kind of melds onto the skin and make it, like, chicken ultraskin. 

Sometimes I keep the chicken warm while giving the chickpeas some extra time in the oven to crisp up, but it was already super late and we were starving, so I just served it, along with some store-bought pita. I do like chickpeas with a little crunch, but soft and savory is also very good!

Really wonderful meal. 

On Wednesday I realized I had never picked the peaches from my tree, which is funny, because last year at this time, I was picking for the 476th time and blanching and freezing them as fast as I could, and still being neck-deep in peaches. I guess it’s pretty common for peach trees to be on a schedule like this. 

The peaches this year may be few but some of them are HUGE. 

This is not some kind of optical illusion photo. They’re the biggest peaches I’ve ever seen! They’re delicious, too, super juicy and nectar-y. I’m saving the pits from the biggest ones, and I’ll try to sprout them. Last year I used a method where you dry the pits for a few days, pry them open to get the inner seed out, and plant them in pots in the ground in the fall, so they get cold stratified and can sprout easily in the spring. 

I did this with six seeds, as I recall, and got two good seedlings, which are now in the ground and doing great. I have hopes of turning the side yard, which is currently overgrown with goldenrod and wild grapes, into a little orchard. Right now it has the apple tree, a very young peach tree, a valiant blueberry bush, and of course the ubiquitous wild raspberries. I would like a cherry tree, but I’ve struggled with fungus on cherry trees in the past, so maybe I will do a nut tree in the spring. Lucky me! Always something to look forward to. (The other new peach tree is by the duck pen, so eventually they will have some natural shade and, presumably, some windfall snacks. I’m not worried about them eating the pits because they routinely mooch around the existing peach tree, and they have figured out how not to eat pits! Which makes two things they have figured out. The first thing is screwing.)

THURSDAY
Rigatoni alla disgraziata with homemade cheese and homemade bread

Thursday I overextended myself, and I don’t even know why. I guess I was cooking my feelings, and also I had some pretty little eggplants from the garden that also wanted to be cooked. 

The plan was rigatoni alla disgraziata,

Jump to Recipe

which is a meatless but very hearty pasta dish. It is not difficult. You toast up a bunch of breadcrumbs in oil, and then take them out of the pan and fry up your eggplants in more oil. 

No need to peel them. But at this point I realized I didn’t have as much eggplant as I thought, so I added some diced onion. Then you add tomato sauce to the eggplant, then you boil up some rigatoni, mix the breadcrumbs into the eggplant sauce, and stir it all together with torn-up mozzarella, and top it with grated parmesan. I also tarted up the jarred sauce with some chopped tomatoes and fresh basil. 

I decided to make fresh mozzarella cheese for this, and that was a good idea, except I decided to make a double recipe, and I was unsure about the timing of the chemistry part of it when you’re making a double batch. I really struggled with getting the almost-finished cheese to a high enough temperature before stretching it. The stretching is what gives it that stretchy, string-like texture, but it’s really hard to stretch hot cheese without gloves! I don’t know why I don’t have gloves!

Anyway, the cheese tasted fine but was very grainy, because of the heating/stretching issue. 

I hope that, because it’s folded into the pasta and is supposed to melt a bit, it wouldn’t matter much, and it didn’t matter that much, but it was a little sad. I was a little sad. 

I decided to cheer myself up by making bread, and that was where I really went wrong. First the dough rose right out of the bowl and slopped itself all over the windowsill and floor, and then I decided to get cute and make twelve separate little loaves, and then I realized I was LATE, like “text your teenager and promise you have not forgotten them” late. So I zipped through the process as fast as I could, which, believe it or not, does not produce the highest quality of food.

The good news is, we ate so late, everyone was happy to see anything hot and ready. I did take some pictures, but they’re not great, and it was not a great meal. These are decent recipes which I recommend! Sometimes things just don’t come together, and we all live to fight another day. I did buy some gloves for future cheese. 

FRIDAY
Pizza

Just regular old pizza, no fancy tricks. And that’s-a my story. We live to fight another day. 

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Banana bread or muffins

adapted from Quick Breads, Soups & Stews by Mary Gubser

Ingredients

  • 2 cups flour
  • 1 tsp baking soda
  • 1/2 tsp salt
  • 1/2 cup butter
  • 1 cup sugar
  • 3 eggs
  • 3 ripe bananas, mashed well
  • 1/2 cup chopped nuts optional

Instructions

  1. Preheat oven to 375.

  2. In one bowl, sift flour, baking soda, and salt together.

  3. In a mixing bowl, cream butter and sugar until light and fluffy. Add eggs one at a time, beating well in between. Add mashed bananas and mix well.

  4. Gradually add the dry ingredients and blend well. If you're adding nuts, fold them in.

  5. Grease 12 muffin tins or a loaf pan and pour the batter in.

  6. Bake 20 minutes or longer, until the top is slightly browned.

 

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Cumin chicken thighs with chickpeas in yogurt sauce

A one-pan dish, but you won't want to skip the sides. Make with red onions and cilantro in lemon juice, pita bread and yogurt sauce, and pomegranates, grapes, or maybe fried eggplant. 

Ingredients

  • 18 chicken thighs
  • 32 oz full fat yogurt, preferably Greek
  • 4 Tbsp lemon juice
  • 3 Tbsp cumin, divided
  • 4-6 cans chickpeas
  • olive oil
  • salt and pepper
  • 2 red onions, sliced thinly

For garnishes:

  • 2 red onions sliced thinly
  • lemon juice
  • salt and pepper
  • a bunch fresh cilantro, chopped
  • 32 oz Greek yogurt for dipping sauce
  • 3 cloves garlic, minced or crushed

Instructions

  1. Make the marinade early in the day or the night before. Mix full fat Greek yogurt and with lemon juice, four tablespoons of water, and two tablespoons of cumin, and mix this marinade up with chicken parts, thighs or wings. Marinate several hours. 

    About an hour before dinner, preheat the oven to 425.

    Drain and rinse four or five 15-oz cans of chickpeas and mix them up with a few glugs of olive oil, the remaining tablespoon of cumin, salt and pepper, and two large red onions sliced thin.

    Spread the seasoned chickpeas in a single layer on two large sheet pans, then make room among the chickpeas for the marinated chicken (shake or scrape the extra marinade off the chicken if it’s too gloppy). Then it goes in the oven for almost an hour. That’s it for the main part.

    The chickpeas and the onions may start to blacken a bit, and this is a-ok. You want the chickpeas to be crunchy, and the skin of the chicken to be a deep golden brown, and crisp. The top pan was done first, and then I moved the other one up to finish browning as we started to eat. Sometimes when I make this, I put the chickpeas back in the oven after we start eating, so some of them get crunchy and nutty all the way through.

Garnishes:

  1. While the chicken is cooking, you prepare your three garnishes:

     -Chop up some cilantro for sprinkling if people like.

     -Slice another two red onions nice and thin, and mix them in a dish with a few glugs of lemon juice and salt and pepper and more cilantro. 

     -Then take the rest of the tub of Greek yogurt and mix it up in another bowl with lemon juice, a generous amount of minced garlic, salt, and pepper. 

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Yogurt sauce

Ingredients

  • 32 oz full fat Greek yogurt
  • 5 cloves garlic, crushed
  • 1/4 cup lemon juice
  • 3 Tbsp olive oil
  • 1 tsp salt
  • 1/2 tsp pepper
  • fresh parsley or dill, chopped (optional)

Instructions

  1. Mix all ingredients together. Use for spreading on grilled meats, dipping pita or vegetables, etc. 

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Rigatoni alla disgraziata

A hearty, meatless pasta dish with eggplant, breadcrumbs, and mozzarella

Ingredients

  • 2 lg eggplants with ends cut off, cut into one-inch pieces (skin on)
  • salt
  • 3/4 cup olive oil, plus a little extra for frying bread crumbs
  • 3 cups bread crumbs
  • 3 lbs rigatoni
  • 6 cup marinara sauce
  • 1 lb mozzarella
  • grated parmesan for topping

Instructions

  1. In a very large skillet or pot, heat up a little olive oil and toast the bread crumbs until lightly browned. Remove from pan and set aside.

  2. Put the 3/4 cup of olive oil in the pan, heat it again, and add the cubed eggplant. Cook for several minutes, stirring often, until eggplant is soft and slightly golden. Salt to taste. Add in sauce and stir to combine and heat sauce through. Keep warm.

  3. In another pot, cook the rigatoni in salted water. Drain. Add the pasta to the eggplant and sauce mixture. Add in the toasted breadcrumbs and the shredded mozzarella. Stir to combine. Serve with grated parmesan on top.

 

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French bread

Makes four long loaves. You can make the dough in one batch in a standard-sized standing mixer bowl if you are careful!

I have a hard time getting the water temperature right for yeast. One thing to know is if your water is too cool, the yeast will proof eventually; it will just take longer. So if you're nervous, err on the side of coolness.

Ingredients

  • 4-1/2 cups warm water
  • 1/4 cup sugar
  • 2 Tbsp active dry yeast
  • 5 tsp salt
  • 1/4 cup olive or canola oil
  • 10-12 cups flour
  • butter for greasing the pan (can also use parchment paper) and for running over the hot bread (optional)
  • corn meal for sprinkling on pan (optional)

Instructions

  1. In the bowl of a standing mixer, put the warm water, and mix in the sugar and yeast until dissolved. Let stand at least five minutes until it foams a bit. If the water is too cool, it's okay; it will just take longer.

  2. Fit on the dough hook and add the salt, oil, and six of the cups of flour. Add the flour gradually, so it doesn't spurt all over the place. Mix and low and then medium speed. Gradually add more flour, one cup at a time, until the dough is smooth and comes away from the side of the bowl as you mix. It should be tender but not sticky.

  3. Lightly grease a bowl and put the dough ball in it. Cover with a damp towel or lightly cover with plastic wrap and set in a warm place to rise for about an hour, until it's about double in size.

  4. Flour a working surface. Divide the dough into four balls. Taking one at a time, roll, pat, and/or stretch it out until it's a rough rectangle about 9x13" (a little bigger than a piece of looseleaf paper).

  5. Roll the long side of the dough up into a long cylinder and pinch the seam shut, and pinch the ends, so it stays rolled up. It doesn't have to be super tight, but you don't want a ton of air trapped in it.

  6. Butter some large pans. Sprinkle them with cornmeal if you like. You can also line them with parchment paper. Lay the loaves on the pans.

  7. Cover them with damp cloths or plastic wrap again and set to rise in a warm place again, until they come close to double in size. Preheat the oven to 375.

  8. Give each loaf several deep, diagonal slashes with a sharp knife. This will allow the loaves to rise without exploding. Put the pans in the oven and throw some ice cubes in the bottom of the oven, or spray some water in with a mister, and close the oven quickly, to give the bread a nice crust.

  9. Bake 25 minutes or more until the crust is golden. One pan may need to bake a few minutes longer.

  10. Run some butter over the crust of the hot bread if you like, to make it shiny and even yummier.

What’s for supper? Vol. 438: Can you dig it?

Happy Friday! I hope you like hearing about digging! 

SATURDAY
Hamburgers, chips

On Saturday, my SISTER and three of her kids came for the weekend! We scheduled and then postponed this visit so many times, and I was delighted we finally managed it. Damien grilled burgers, and we made s’mores in the evening. Sonny made an absolute ape of himself, abasing her person before Sarah, who is one of his favorite people in the world. 

While I was out shopping in the morning, Damien was out in the woods trying to get the ducks to smarten up and run away from the hawk that may or may not be what’s been picking off our smaller ducks. I don’t really think it’s the blue heron that’s doing it, but we are in a drought, which means there are fewer ducks and frogs for everyone to eat, so who knows. (We have since bought one of those scary owl decoys, and it’s working so far?)

Anyway while he was out there, a baby squirrel fell out of a tree right at his feet. It had fur, but its eyes weren’t open yet. So he put it in a box and waited alll day for the mom to come back, and she didn’t. So I brought home some Pedialyte and some goat milk, and he warmed it up and fed the squirrel with a dropper. 

He put it to bed in our room wrapped in a t-shirt next to a sock full of rice that had been warmed in the microwave. I might as well tell you now that the squirrel did not make it through the night, but he go out with a full tummy and a warm, snuggly spot, and he must have just gone to sleep and not woken up. Tough world for little guys. 

Well. Anyway, in the evening, I started some vanilla ice cream. (Below is the recipe for strawberry ice cream, but just skip the strawberries, 1/4 cup sugar, and lemon juice, and make the “base.”)

Jump to Recipe

I made two batches at the same time, and you know what? It’s not silly having two ice cream makers! What’s silly is that they don’t make ice cream makers bigger. I suppose there might be some physics or thermodynamics problem I’m not taking into account, but I feel like American ingenuity ought to be able to solve the More Ice Cream Problem. Anyway, I see lots of ice cream makers in thrift stores, and it is always ice cream weather, all year long, so you know what to do. 

SUNDAY
Steak, corn, nectarine-rhubarb crisp with ice cream

Sunday after Mass it was perfect weather, so we went to the town pond, snacked on fruit, and tried out kayaking, which is new for my sister’s family. 

Lovely, wonderful afternoon altogether.

In the afternoon, the kids played Mysterium, and then Damien grilled some steaks, and I picked corn for the very first time. I was extremely proud of my corn!

It’s been hard to wait until the ears are fully formed, and a few of them could have benefitted from a few more days on the stalk

but most of them looked absolutely great. 

It’s pretty easy to find extremely fresh, local corn around here, so it wasn’t exactly a revelation to discover what it tasted like, but it was sweet and tender and juicy. Yay! I have one more round of corn that will be ready to pick in a week or so. Next year I’m going to plant a lot more corn. And a lot more potatoes! 

The steaks (actually a round eye roast cut into steaks) were most excellent. 

I had been planning baked potatoes, but I was so tired from kayaking that I skipped it, and along with dessert, there was plenty of food. What I made was a nectarine-rhubarb crisp, using the last of the rhubarb from the garden. I sorta kinda followed this recipe for peach-rhubarb crisp, but I think I left the skins on the nectarines, and I threw a few plums in there, and I topped it with a streusel made of a box of yellow cake mix scrunched into bits with a stick of melted butter, plus some oats mixed in.

I baked it in ramekins and topped it with the ice cream and fresh whipped cream. 

Not a great picture, but a lovely dessert, and HEFTY. We did not regret not having baked potatoes in our recent past at this point. 

On Sunday, the 31st of August, (in the morning! Before I ate enough for ten strong men!) I did the very last day of a thirty-day yoga challenge. I had missed one day when we went to the ocean, but doubled up the next day. And I don’t know if I’ve ever come closer to finishing up a thirty-day challenge of . . . anything. It’s a red letter day if I finish a novena, or heck, if I get to the end of a sentence without forgetting to

I was following this Alba Avella series, which is 20 minutes a day, and most days I added some weights training, because “bone density” has stopped being a phrase I’m able to tune out. September 1, I started a new challenge with Charlie Follows. This series is for “confident beginners and intermediate improvers,” but she also has easier and harder ones. I like her a lot, and it’s been fascinating to see how different yoga instructors (and fitness instructors in general) have their own style. This lady has a tendency to giggle when a pose feels weird, which I appreciate, and she has short legs like me, which is nice. (I do not resemble her in any other way.)

MONDAY
Leftovers

Monday we had our customary leftover nite, just shifted a bit, and somewhat fancier than usual because of steak!

I don’t know why I post pictures of leftover night. It always looks so gross, I don’t think I’ll convince anyone it’s a good practice to adopt. But in real life, it is! All day long, I think, “Ugh, I have to get supper going” and then I think, “No, I don’t!” And that is the most delicious food of all. Except maybe for food that someone else prepares entirely. 

TUESDAY
Sausage subs, garden skillet, raw vegetables and dip

Tuesday, fresh from my personal corn victory, I decided to see if I could make something else from the garden. There was some leftover corn, plenty of basil, some eggplants, and the garlic I grew. 

If anyone has tips for growing better garlic, I’m all ears. It tasted fine, but really all I did was put sprouting cloves of garlic in the ground, water it for months, and then dig up the exact same number of cloves of garlic. I think maybe one turned into two cloves of garlic. It did keep me entertained, but I’m having a hard time categorizing it as a successful crop!

Well, I cut the corn off the cob, peeled and diced the eggplant, minced the garlic, and chopped the basil, and I sauteed that in stages along with some diced onion 

and realized what I really needed was some tomatoes. The closest thing I had in the kitchen was some leftover spaghetti sauce, so I stirred that in, and a bunch of panko bread crumbs. I seasoned it and topped it with some fresh mozzarella. 

It turned out. . . . pretty goodish. 

I don’t really know what it was. A skillet, I guess. A bake. A sortatouille. I think with less corn and with fresh tomatoes, it would have been great! Anyway, it was something a little different, and I had fun using my garden produce. 

For the main, I fried up a bunch of Italian sausages, and some peppers and onions with salt and pepper, and we had subs. 

I also made a raw veggie platter with dip, which I have mostly been eating myself in the afternoons while I drive around. 

And here is the point in the week when my kids noticed with glee that it was ALL SANDWICHES FROM HERE ON OUT. 

WEDNESDAY
Chicken honey mustard ranch wraps; fruit platter

Wednesday I revisited the Amazing Hole I had started to dig a few weeks ago. The plan is a duck pond, and the only smart thing I did all day was decide not to lift weights before digging in the mud for two hours. No wait, two smart things: I considered taking my shoes off, because they kept getting stuck in the mud, and then I immediately dug this up:

So I decided to keep my shoes on! Smart. 

This is what it looked like when I started:

When I first started digging, the spot filled up with groundwater and the ducks were in HEAVEN. Then the entire region dried up, and you can see that the ducks kept visiting this spot, stomping around and wondering why it wasn’t any fun any more. 

Well, I dug and dug and dug and dug, and it didn’t look all that different when I was done, but I know I doubled the area and made half of it twice as deep, and trucked a lot of the soil up to the front of the house to fill in the spot where the porch used to be. I listened to the first episode about Mary, Queen of Scots from The Rest Is History podcast, and that helped quite a bit. 

The sandwich of the day was actually a wrap. I cooked some frozen chicken tenders and served them on tortillas with sliced tomatoes, lettuce, and some kind of fancy ranch dressing that was on clearance at Aldi. A surprisingly popular meal. I mean I thought it was delicious, but usually that’s a personal opinion that does not extend to the rest of the family. 

I have been doing a lot of fruit salads lately, so this time I shook things up and made a fruit PLATTER. 

Watermelon SPEARS, rather than slices or chunks, and two kinds of plums and a dragon fruit I bought on a whim. The green plums are Sierra Honey plums, and they were wonderful. They had a honey-nectar taste, but also some tartness, and the texture was crisp but juicy. Really nice. The dragon fruit was meh, but it sure was pretty. 

It was actually a really great meal. 

Or possibly I was starving from digging! But the kids liked it, too, and I assure you, they had not been doing manual labor all day. I ASSURE YOU. 

THURSDAY
Spicy chicken sandwiches with pepper and cheese, fries

Thursday I got my yoga in and had to do a bit of running around for the kids, and then I figured as long as I was out, I’d stop by and see if this sale from the local floral farm was really anything. WELL, they had perennials for $2 each! Uh, I bought sixteen. Lupines, hollyhocks, coneflowers, and bunch more. And I paid full price for an extraordinary blue and white African daisy, an annual in these parts.

This picture doens’t show how pretty the daisies are, but I really must wrap up this post at some point.

While listening to the crazy backstory to the assassination of Abraham Lincoln, I dug out the rest of the pond and hauled many, many loads of soil into the front yard. Damien put the pond liner on (it’s 10×10 and pretty much fits, which means I lucked out, because I didn’t measure anything!), and I carried four rocks up from the stream before I got super tired of carrying rocks. Picked up the kids, picked up some cheap topsoil from Home Depot to mix in, because the marsh soil is super dense and clay-y.

Supper came together pretty fast: This spicy chicken sandwich from Sip and Feast, which is mostly popular around here. I seasoned the boneless chicken thighs with Tony Cachere’s, then browned it slowly in oil.

(And we are now a single-pan family! I can’t believe it. Just seven of us at home, sometimes six.)

When it’s done, you take it out of the pan, top it with American cheese, and cover it so the cheese melts, and throw the shishito peppers in the hot pan to blister them up a bit. Serve on soft rolls with raw red onion and BBQ sauce, and oh, it is tasty. 

It was a very filling meal (I made french fries for a side), but it was cool and pleasant out and the neighbors were being quiet for once, so I pushed myself to find spots around the yard for all those perennials, and I added some used duck bedding and the topsoil to the beds in front of the house, and yeesh. 

It looks like a credit union or something, and I’m even gonna add some colored mulch, just to basic bitch it up.

It’s not bad, it’s just weirdly tidy. There are a lot of houses like that around here, very clearly IN PROGRESS. Maybe there are tarps flapping on the roof and a perfectly innocent collection of catalytic converters on the front porch right next to the deer skulls and the warning notice from the selectmen, but the fucken tomatoes are doing great.

(Obviously those are mainly annuals in this picture. The perennials are all things that should bloom next summer, so it’s an investment.) 

It rained last night, finally, and I already knew the pond hole I dug wasn’t level, so no surprises there. The pond is on a slope, which will help us when it’s time to drain and refill it. 

Dang, those ducks are lucky. This is going to be a wonderful spot. If I ever finish it. Which I will! If it kills me! Which it will. 

FRIDAY
Bagel, egg, cheese sandwiches, maybe oven fries

It’s after 1:00 and I am still in my nightgown. I guess I’m pretty lucky, too! Gonna do yoga and then get my ass to adoration, and I will pray for all of you. 

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Ben and Jerry's Strawberry Ice Cream

Ingredients

For the strawberries

  • 1 pint fresh strawberries
  • 1/4 cup sugar
  • 1-1/2 Tbsp fresh lemon juice

For the ice cream base

  • 2 eggs
  • 3/4 cup sugar
  • 2 cups heavy or whipping cream
  • 1 cup milk

Instructions

  1. Hull and slice the strawberries. Mix them with the sugar and lemon juice, cover, and refrigerate for an hour.

Make the ice cream base:

  1. In a mixing bowl, whisk the eggs for two minutes until fluffy.

  2. Add in the sugar gradually and whisk another minute.

  3. Pour in the milk and cream and continue whisking to blend.

Put it together:

  1. Mash the strawberries well, or puree them in a food processor. Stir into the ice cream base.

  2. Add to your ice cream maker and follow the directions. (I use a Cuisinart ICE-20P1 and churn it for 30 minutes, then transfer the ice cream to a container, cover it, and put it in the freezer.)

What’s for supper? Vol. 437: The Supper of Theseus

Hello! Happy Friday! It is upside-downy day. I slept later than I meant and then spent the whooooooole rest of the day writing until it was time for dinner. Made some spaghetti, THEN did yoga, then cleaned the kitchen because Lucy wasn’t feeling well, then cleaned the dining room because I suddenly couldn’t stand it anymore. And now I am finally writing my food post, which I usually do first thing after yoga on Fridays. 

So! Here is what we had: 

SATURDAY
Leftovers and Aldi pizza

I absolutely trapped myself into going to confession while we were out shopping, and that was a relief. (No murders or anything; it’s just been a while.) I don’t remember much else about Saturday, except that hardly anyone was home. I think Damien was helping Moe with something. Oh yes, and he took Corrie along for the ride. Sadly, the hedgehog shop below Moe’s apartment (yes) was closed for the day, but they had a nice day anyway. 

SUNDAY
Beach food!

Sunday we finally got to the ocean, on the very last day of summer vacation. Poor Damien hurt his back and couldn’t go, and the older kids all went together in a separate car with friends to belatedly celebrate Lucy’s birthday. So that left me, Benny, and Corrie. We were pretty far away from the hurricane, but the ocean was still feeling it. 

Bunch more pictures here.

 

Since it was just the three of us, we hit the arcade and then picked a beachside restaurant. Corrie got her very first footlong hotdog

and Benny got a burger and I got some ridiculous cheesy bacon fries. We don’t have a lot of outings with just the three of us these days, and it was fun! We got home purty late, showered the sand off, and fell into bed. 

MONDAY
Grilled ham and cheese, chips, fruit salad

First day of school! The younger kids just had half days (not the same half, of course), so we were pretty much driving all day. A fine day for ham and cheese. 

I cut up a watermelon and a bunch of strawberries and threw in some grapes and called it good. 

TUESDAY
Chicken genovese, bread

This past weekend I got fed up with my cinnamon basil, which I bought accidentally, and which has been flourishing like nothing else I’ve ever planted. I don’t really like cinnamon basil, though. But I kept telling myself I was going to make something with it, so I kept watering it and picking the blossoms off every few days, and getting madder and madder as it got bigger and bigger. Anyway, I finally dug it up, chunked it in holes in the front of the house, and declared it flowering plants. I used the open garden space, plus the space where the potatoes were, to plant some cucumber seeds. I don’t know if I’ll really get a harvest before the frost comes, but I might!

Then on Tuesday, I picked a ton of regular basil and made pesto, more or less following this recipe. 

Good stuff. 

I ran out of pine nuts, so I toasted a bunch of almonds and then forgot to put them in. OH WELL. Pesto still turned out great, if a bit pale. 

The recipe is actually for chicken genovese, which is chicken roasted with pesto on and under the skin. It was whole chickens that were on sale, and it turns out most of the kids don’t like pesto (THEY DON’T LIKE PESTO), so I just roasted one with basic seasonings (salt, pepper, garlic powder, I think maybe paprika) and olive oil, and one with the pesto. One of the kids came in when I was shoving pesto under the skin and got permanently creeped out, and I have to admit, it was a little creepy!

Delicious, though. I honestly can’t tell if this looks yummy or grisly, but it was, in fact, yummy. 

When I cut it open, the layer of interior pesto looked so fancy. 

Again, not really sure if this looks gross! I’m tired, and just can’t tell!

I just cut up a bunch of baguettes and dumped a bag of fresh spinach into a bowl, and it was a nice meal. Something different. 

WEDESDAY
Weird tacos, tortilla chips

Wednesday I made some really terrible tacos. I couldn’t find the garlic powder, so I used garlic salt, forgetting that I had already added quite a bit of salt. Then I was out of cumin, so I decided to put a whole extra lot of chili powder, which doesn’t even make sense. I guess I was kind of distracted. Anyway, we had tacos. 

THURSDAY
Salmon, risotto, roast butternut squash

Thursday I was planning to try my new-to-me air fryer, and a few people told me salmon was a great thing to make it in. So I bought some frozen salmon at Walmart, and then for some reason at the last minute I decided to try a slightly more complex recipe than just, you know, salt and pepper and lemon juice. This calls for cutting the salmon into chunks, rolling it in a mixture of spices and brown sugar, and then air frying. Which isn’t that hard, except that I could not get the air fryer to heat up, at all. The light went on, the timer ticked and binged, but no heat, no matter how I set it. UNFORTUNATE. 

So I pan fried the salmon in hot oil, and they turned out pretty okayish. 

Salmon is already on the sweet side, so I think next time I’ll stick with a simpler recipe next time, with no sugar. I guess I was hoping maybe the kids would eat it if it had sugar on it. Don’t tell that shaved ape who runs the health department.

I also cut up a couple of butternut squashes and roasted them on a pan with honey, olive oil, uhhhhh salt, cinnamon, and chili powder, I think. 

That, too, turned out okay. 

The last part was risotto, and I made it in my new-to-me pressure cooker. My Instant Pot kicked the bucket, and what I really wanted was another 8-quart Instant Pot, but those are hard to find (it’s mostly 6-quart ones); so I settled for an 8-quart Instant Pot knockoff. I got it on the day we went to see the petroglyphs. And immediately realized it was, in fact, 6-quart Instant Pot knockoff, and kind of smelled like cigarettes. 

NO MATTER. I wiped it down and there was juuuust room in it to make a triple recipe of risotto. I followed this recipe, except without the sage and squash, and also I shoved a stick of butter in there before adding the cheese. And I doubled the cheese. And I used regular rice instead of arborio. Well, I guess I didn’t really follow the recipe. But it was good!

A good meal altogether, if a bit Ship of Theseusish. 

FRIDAY
Regular spaghetti

I already told you about Friday. What I didn’t tell you is doing yoga after eating a hearty bowl of spaghetti is not highly recommended. But you probably didn’t need me to tell you that. 

So tomorrow, my SISTER is coming, and she and some of her kids are going to spend TWO NIGHTS here! (Okay, yes, that is why I cleaned the dining room. But really, it was out of control anyway.) I am very excited. Thinking about trying out our new-to-me rotisserie thing, since we’ve had so much success lately with new-to-me appliances. I think I’m gonna finally pick my first round of corn, too. 

Okay, that’s it! Happy Friday!

Those gangly adolescent souls

If you’ve spent any time with adolescents, you’re familiar with one of their more endearing traits: disproportionate development. They wake up one morning 4 inches taller, but it’s all in the legs, and their torsos are still the same size. Or maybe their arms and legs are the same length as they were last year, but their hands and feet have suddenly gotten huge. It’s adorable, and a little bit pathetic.

Some kids grow so fast and so unevenly, they end up careening around, bumping into things and bouncing off the walls. It looks like they’re being careless and intentionally disruptive, and maybe they are; but a big part of it is that they literally don’t know what size they are. 

It’s not only their bodies that are growing quickly but disproportionately; it’s their minds and their hearts and their consciences. So you may find them careening around the house not just physically, but intellectually or morally or socially. Their thoughts and feelings and desires and sense of self are developing fast, and not at an even pace. They are disproportionate, and it’s adorable, and a little bit pathetic.

And sometimes infuriating. Disproportionate development leads to some truly insane inconsistencies in their opinions and behavior. They often come across as wildly hypocritical, requiring the highest standards for other people and (apparently) the lowest for themselves. They can be self-righteous, and they can be very harsh, as well as emotional and ludicrously sentimental, sometimes in the same breath.

The standard explanation for this behavior is that their hormones are fluctuating mercilessly, so they’re under assault from the inside; and at the same time, the world is bombarding them from the outside with nonstop information, nonstop stimulation and nonstop nonsense.

These are all solid explanations for why adolescents act the way they do. But I find it easier to look at them with kindness when I remember that their most irrational behavior is not as senseless as it looks. In fact, it is a sign they are growing. It’s just that the growth is disproportionate. 

The best thing you can do, for your own sanity and for their current and future good, is to look for, name and praise the parts that are getting big and strong and well-developed, and to be patient while the rest of them (it is to be hoped) catches up. 

Here’s an example. When the Space Shuttle Challenger was preparing to launch, our class got copious lessons about Christa McAuliffe, the teacher who’d been selected to join the crew through the NASA Teacher in Space Program. She taught high school not an hour down the road from us, and the whole school followed her exploits enthusiastically.

Of course she never made it. The whole class was all glued to the screen as the ship exploded. It was horrible in many different ways.

But in the aftermath, very shortly after, a bunch of us complained to our teacher, Mrs. Blanchard, that we were tired of hearing about boring old Christa McAuliffe all the time. … Read the rest of my latest for Our Sunday Visitor. 

Image by Alex Proimos from Sydney, Australia, CC BY 2.0, via Wikimedia Commons